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How to define your facebook friends.
Published November 02, 2011 More Info »
Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
The tags are there to get your attention


The Friender- Remember that guy that you grew up with, went to school with, and never spoke to? Apparently 5 years after graduation makes up for 12 years of not speaking in school. Now accept the friend request so they can get more friends (because that'€™s all they care about) and you 2 crazy kids can get back to not speaking to one another.

The Douche That Won'€™t Shut Up About Politics- Most commonly republican. Most info comes from spam and forwarded emails with Limbaugh, Beck, or O'€™Reilly quotes. Other picture uploads include, half thought political cartoons, and patriotic€ depictions to cover up how racist the person and its point of view are.

The Christian Pariah- When politics isn't doing it you'€™ve always got God.

Ted The Talking Head- The person who starts an argument with one of your friends (that they aren't friends with) after misunderstanding the reason you post something. 2 days and 100 comments later they finally shut the fuck up and get back to not a having a life outside of facebook and trading an idiotic ill informed ideology with a complete stranger.

    Ex. Your post- The voice of a few can work wonders for the future

   Friend -Obama'€™s an idiot
   
 Ted-No he's not
 
   Friend-Yes he is
 
Ted-No he'€™s not
 
   Friend-Yes he is
 
 Ted-Pussy
 
   Friend-Fag
 (Repeat)

The Narcissist aka The Trump (Most common)- The person that feels the need to share every mundane activity one could perform in a day (twitter account not required, but recommended; the more people you reach the better you feel about how trifling you really are)

    Ex. The fog is awful on the road!! Tired! On my way home!!

-Apparently not.

    -Bagels, errands, lunch with John. ;) 

  -You don't deserve thumbs
  

-Busy day today gotta keep moving ;p

  -So stop posting updates every 5 seconds

    -On my way to work ;)

    -On my way to go poopsies :0

    -At the bank waiting in line :(

    -God gas, why is it so expensive? :(

  -(Enter Ted)

 


Ned Van Needy (Older brother to Pat Punctuation)- This person goes out of their way to try and receive attention looking for their true friends€ on facebook. Other posts include being let down because something didn't go as planned.

Ex. Okay let'™s see who my TRUE (<-Not the all caps, this bitch is serious) friends are. If you are truly a friend, reply with something you love about me.

    -I love the fact that you think doing something like this is anything outside 
of pitiful.
  
-Most people should give up a vice, you should give up life

My Version- Ok, let'€™s see who my real friends are and who'€™s gonna take the time to read this shameless attempt for some attention that was formed in the narcissism sector of my brain that facebook has created. If you'€™re a true friend please take the time to comment and tell me how much of a massive tool I am for doing something like this and if you see me punch me in the back of the head; I don'€™t need to know who you are.

- Aww! You don'€™t deserve air, things will get better one day even though you don't deserve it. Pick up suicide as a hobby and muzzle your stupidity. In the long run shoot for mediocrity, you will undoubtedly fail in any attempt to be successful in any aspect of life, at anything ever.

Floyd the idiot philosopher- The guy that posts cliche, corny common sense tid-bits, designed to make them seem deep, insightful, or intelligent

Ivan the Idiot that likes every post by Floyd- If you need a description read the name again asshole.

  Ex. Floyd- Actions speak louder than words

     -Ivan the Idiot likes this

    Floyd-One man'€™s trash is another man's treasure

     -Ivan the Idiot likes this

  Floyd-Early bird gets the worm

     -Ivan the Idiot likes this

  Floyd-Ivan the Idiot€™s mom swallows

     -Ivan the Idiot likes this

Nutless Norman (Ned Van Needy'€™s adopted brother)- The person speaking in vague statements to get somebody'€™s attention instead of growing a pair and just fucking saying it.

Ex. (See Floyd quotes and apply to a significant other)

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