"If you mean 'do you remember the sexiest day of your life,' then yes. Yes I do."
Real definition of vampires: Eastern European men wearing capes who drain your body of its fluid, which they will then use for sustenance.
Fingering People on Roller Coasters
No matter what Mark Wahlberg tells you, this is not a good idea. ESPECIALLY if you do not know the man or woman sitting next you. That said, if you do decide to surprise your coaster-mate, try to time it forwhen the picture is taken. "Ten bucks well spent." That is what you'll be saying when you purchase your new mantlepiece.
Sex in the Pool
I don't know about you, but I've had sex at least eight times and each time is more awkward than the next. I don't know how to explain that I don't know how to properly put on a condom, I don't know what conversation to make in the middle, and I'm always left washing my sheets and wondering why I was talking so much during the whole thing -- The fact is, Hollywood depicts sex in a way where girls' bras come off by winking at her and there's no clean up whatsoever. And if we're being honest, the clean up is the moment where you really make a connection with someone. Without that, sex is just a fun, guilt-free experience, in which you don't feel terrible about yourself. And isn't that moment of shared self-hatred is what we're all striving for in the first place?
- lmao! you've only had sex 8 times! haha
- The car wash was funny. The rest was just boring.
- At LEAST 8 times.. I think..
- I didn't notice one gay thing about this? what's pointless is commenting on something that didn't entertain you...
- this was lame
- Who ever put this up should shoot themselves in the face and put a stop to the stupid ideas coming from their head. Just sayin
- right on with the sex part! they never show the oozing out part...they just lay there and all i can think is "your getting it all over the sheets!"
- thats dumb. sex in a pool dosent work?? you've obviously never had sex in a pool. n sex is only akward cuz your akward. 8 times?? theres no excuse for that
- Why wasn't "waking up and kissing the person next to u" on the list?? Eww...morning breath!! I hate that they do that in EVERY movie!
- The first 3 are funny. Sex in the pool does work, though. And as for your "actual sex" comment, it seems you need more practice. And as far as you not knowing what to say - either moan or talk dirty. Otherwise stfu.
- What clean up? They should be swallowing or else you are doing it wrong...
- whoever wrote this is an idiot, the only thing I agree with is the vampire part. 1) Sex in a pool is probably the sweetest thing because you can switch to any position in a matter of seconds 2) if you don't like actual sex then there is something wrong with you 3) fingering people on a roller coaster only happened in Hollywood in that one particular movie and 4) obviously you don't utilize the cheer leading fundraiser car washes in your neighborhood
- Or how about the whole switchin positions...yeah, sure that's always as graceful & hot looking as it is in the movies...not so much. ;-)
- Can I add January Jones to this list?
- This was funny and true.
- what the heak
- The vampire one was good, the rest was just a dude ranting about his lame sex life. Quite sad when you get to thinking about it. BTW, sex on the beach should be on this list, as the sand gets everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE!!!
- You men have NO idea how it feels having sex in a pool!! THERE IS NO LUBRICATION!!! IT'S "DRY" F******!!! AND THAT HURTS LIKE HELL!!!! Now, if they would invent a lube that doesn't wash away in water......
- The most unsexy thing on this page are the men/boys posting who actually think a chlorinated pool and/or hot tub are lubricating!
- notice how it's all men saying sex in a pool works.
- wow. Whoever wrote this sounds pretty bitter about their own sex life. (speaking of the actual sex part).
- Sex on a beach- you get sand in places you don't want and it won't go away!
- Hey, guy, (I refuse to call you Cory Matthews. Just because you happened to watch Boy Meets World back in the day doesn't mean you're funny. In fact if you really were a fan of that show it actually explains alot.) this IS Funny or Die, right? Yeah, I just double checked the URL, and sure enough this is funnyordie.com. That said...how did this crap get on here? If even one thing on this list passed the site's standards and was allowed to be posted then I can already tell this site's on it's way down the shitter. Please don't post anything else until you learn to be funny. Now if that's not a possibility, you can go ahead and die. And thank God you are so averse to sex, at least you won't spawn a bunch of unfunny offspring who grow up to douche around the net using references to lame-ass 90s sitcoms as their handles and talking about how fingering somebody on a roller coaster is a movie cliche when it was a key scene from ONE movie, and this site's target audience doesn't even remember it. Oh, but you do. From what I can tell if it was lame in the 90s you are all over it. Not so much making jokes, because you've proven that joke writing is beyond your abilities, as letting us all know that Fear and Zach Morris existed (Unless those are your version of jokes, in which case I'd seek a new career path...have you ever considered writing for VH1? You'd be right up their alley.) Honestly, did you just have five minutes until deadline on this thing and just threw something together because you spent all your time watching The View or reading that Tempur-pedic pamphlet that FINALLY came in the mail or whatever it is that unfunny people do to prepare to be unfunny? You figured since you're already so lame anyway nobody would notice that not only is this list utterly stupid and not in the least bit funny, but that half the shit on it either isn't a movie cliche or hasn't been a relevant movie cliche since sometime around 1995? I mean the closest you came to hitting on something relevant to this millennium is a passing mention of something that happens in Twilight while gushing about how sexy Tom Cruise used to be back in...you guessed it...the 90s. Lame. Fail. Die.
- have you tried sex with a human person