It Doesn’t Exist Yet
Sony announced the PS4 at a big fancy event this week, but failed to show us what the console actually looks like. Until I see one with my own eyes, I refuse to believe it exists. “But you’ve never seen a million dollars. Do you believe a million dollars exists?” might be your retort. “You are the worst. I never want to take a road trip with you,” would be my response.
It’s Probably Enormous
When the PS3 was unveiled, people ripped on it for being way too big. Not cool, nerds. Remember high school much? Sometimes when you go through major phases of growth, you become kind of a fatass. It’s not a big deal, we’ve all been there. But the space underneath my modest television might not be able to accommodate the refrigerator-sized successor to the PS3. It still probably won’t be as big as the original Xbox controller.
“Wow. That’s Expensive As Fuck.”
They haven’t announced how much the PS4 will cost, but industry analysts are certain it will make you say, “Wow. That’s expensive as fuck.” You might say it in your head, you might say it out loud, but you will say it. Then you’ll buy it. Because you like new things almost as much as you like credit card debt, and you’ve been trying to fill a void in your life with material possessions for as long as you can remember making choices. Get it together! Spend your money on something nice for once, like buying your grandmother flowers. Fun fact: that advice still works even if she’s dead.
The PS4 has all kinds of social features, including a “share” button on the controller, that let you integrate your gaming world with your established social networks. How is that a good thing? If I wanted to hang out with everybody I know, I wouldn’t be in a dark room wearing a headset by myself. The only people I want to socialize with when I play videogames are complete strangers of varying age ranges from all around the world. Is that so much to ask?
No New Vectorman
Sony rolled out a great lineup of new games for the PS4, but one title was conspicuously absent: Vectorman. For those who don’t know, Vectorman was one of the greatest titles ever released on the Sega Genesis. You play new games, but worship the old. One is silver and the other is gold. What do we have to do to get a new Vectorman? Sign a White House petition? Make a Kickstarter? Riot in the streets? The studio that created Vectorman no longer exists, but there was almost a reboot of the series for PS2 according to a Wikipedia article I read way too often. So it’s possible! Possible to waste your life reading shit that doesn’t matter.
The most obvious reason to not buy a Playstation 4 is the inevitable release of the Playstation 5. The Playstation 5 is going to make your Playstation 4 look like a TurboGrafix-16. Then the Playstation 6 is going to come out and make your Playstation 5 look like an abacus. Rumor has it that the Playstation 7 will be able to 3D print you a sandwich and the Playstation 8 will have time travel capability. I heard from a guy with a cousin who used to work at EB Games that the Playstation 9 will be a spaceship. The future is nuts! So don’t waste your money today on what will surely look out of date tomorrow. Spend it on something that will be cool forever, like donuts. Everybody loves donuts.
- should have gone with battletoads instead of vectorman
- sounds like this xbox gamer is still mad at microsoft. 1 reason to buy it PS doent charge to play online
- I'm usually not an internet bashing troll but there was nothing accurate or funny about this. That being said, I'm XBOX all day, Sony rushed this. The XBOX 720 will be much better and continue to dominate the online realm.
- rather buy a new playstation every 10 yrs rather then a new iphone every 9 months lol
- must be an xbox guy who knows maybe one day xbox will beable to figure out all there little bugs...
- "says some 10 year old xbox fanboy"
- guys don't like this post claim the fuck down
- The price of it is actually suppose to be about $400.
- This is the most RETARTED reasons I have EVER SEEN!!! 1) It hasnt come out yet... NO SHIT! 2)It’s Probably Enormous.. WE HAVENT SEEN IT! 3)Wow. That’s Expensive As Fuck... CHEAPER THAN THE PS3 WHEN IT CAME OUT! 4)Anti-Social Gaming.. MOST SOCIAL CONSOLE TO DATE!! Name another console more social.. (Ill wait) 5)No New Vectorman... FUCKIN REALLY? too easy. 6) PS5.. Another reason you are a retard. PS releases every 6-8 years dumbass.
- One faulty in this article is I know the Playstation 9 isn't going to be a spaceship. They already had a video for it before the PS3 even came out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRJXLu3YVpM
- no new Vectorman best reason yet
- thats 2 mins of my life ill never get back
- my Ps3 died after six, i'm holding out for a new one to get a PS4
- The worst "6 reasons not to" I've ever read... good thing this is "funny or die"... :P
- xbox 720 is gonna suck dick any way, i feel srry if u like it
- Im going to post as perfectly as i can and how nobody corrects me.
- Guys, this website is called "Funny or Die", it's like 'hi i'm not serious and trolling everything.com". Chill out. PC will always be better for gaming. If you don't have an Ultra HD 4K TV, PS4 is useless. As games are always the same there is nothing really new, i'm not sure that PS4 is "next-gen gaming". They want to give us social, but i can't even play with my brother on SSX, GTA or Red Dead Redemption ... and they give only one controller, so yeah fuck sony, always need to buy more from them like Memory cards for the PS2/PSP, can't change any settings bla bla bla bla i'm out
- http://kotaku.com/5985824 for the "why didn't we see the ps4"
- Uhm. The price hasn't been announced yet. I mean, yeah, it'll probably be expensive, but not that bad. Worst comes to worst, wait a while until they release the second model (Like the slim ps3) and pick that one up.
- So much virgin rage.
- Impossible! if ps8 is gonna be able to travel in time... it's only gonna be for grown ups... no kids should be allowed to travel time for any shit!
- This article is completely pointless.
- Im going to buy a doughnut
- wow, xbox fan much. remember when the xbox 360 came out, and burned out quickly...... oh wait, that is still now.
- You got me at the PS5 reason, lol.