To Kimye the name "North" is meant to represent the reaching of ones' goal; the age old adage, "reach for the stars." "What's North of North?... Nothing," reports the couple. It's the highest point. Almost as high as Kayne's ego, not quite though. Although, given the spherical nature of Earth, technically if you travel north long enough you would end up south of where you started... Anyway, To the regular population it should represent that beautiful celebrity indulgence and at least serve as a hardy chuckle to the rest of us. Here are some downfalls to naming your child North in case you were considering it.
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Published: June 26, 2013

1: Directional Confusion

Kim and Kanye have managed to do the impossible once again. Make a marriage last longer than a month? Neigh. They have driven me to dislike a newborn child... I’m not saying North is going to be a douche when she grows up, but she is more than likely going to be a douche when she grows up. Maybe its because she already has more money and fame than I'll ever have. I don't know. But with North’s dad a famous rapper and mom a famous whore, apparently the child needs to garner even more attentention; hence, weird name. It follows a long trend of celebrity's giving their offspring scary names; like Pilot Inspektor or Diva Thin Muffin. It'd be like Chris Brown naming his child "Turd." But the only thing Chris Brown beats to the punch are female pop stars. Ouch! I know. That's what they say too... As punishment for this I hope every time Kim says “excuse me, where is North.” I hope an un-expecting stranger points northward saying “why, it’s that way, between East and West.” On the brightside, North shouldn't have any trouble taking direction. After all, she is one...


2: The Google Curse

When young North West turns one and receives her first IPad she will fall victim to the temptation that befalls each and every one of us at least once in our lifetime; she will inevitably “Google” herself.  Unlike most of us who find sad high school attributes, past crimes, and failed attempts at dating website accounts, North will find a bunch of maps, a shitty community college in Maine, and a wiki-definition for the direction; "opposite of South." That has got to humbling. But hey, that's what you get when you name your child after your Dungeon's and Dragon's character.


3: Sexual References

Speaking of Kim Kardashian's vagina. I'm actually really surprised no one has touched on this yet (Not her vagina of course, everyone has touched that). No, I'm speaking of the blatent pun that rears it's ugly head on this matter. Kim Kardashian's vagina can now be known as the North West Passage. To the enemy of history or non- fan of geography, this is a historical sea passage residing in northen Canada, in the Artic, that connects the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans... And many a fallen sailor have marooned their scooners on that rocky and coral-filled bottleneck.