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November 10, 2011

Screen Shot 2011-11-10 at 4.48.03 PM.pngWith Penn State students protesting and rioting over the firing of football coach Joe Paterno, who participated in the cover up of a serial child molester who happened to be his defensive coordinator, many have wondered what those students could possibly be thinking. With that in mind we here at Funny or Die decided to do some research to find the 6 dumbest protests ever.

6. The Charles Manson Riots

stonewall+rioters+throwing+things.jpgMusic Fans protested the jailing of Charles Manson because he quote "had some more good tunes in him." It's a fact, Charles Manson was a singer song writer who tried to sell his songs to the Beach Boys. When he was convicted of conspiracy to commit murder and multiple counts of murder some music fans were bummed because they felt he had just hit his song writing stride before acid and horrific murder distracted him. Ted Reynolds an employee at a Coconuts record store said "How do we know he didn't have a Good Vibrations in him? Now we'll never know cause of that other legal junk....Some day they're going to invent the cassette tape and those future mix tapes will suffer from this short sighted legal decision."

5. McRib Fans Protest Removal of McRib From McDonald's Menu

Screen Shot 2011-11-10 at 5.13.49 PM.pngThousands of McRibs fans took to the street when the sandwich was removed from the menu. McDonald's restaurants were stormed, cars, and even an 18 wheeler were overturned. Bon fires were set in mall atriums and heads were shaved by the hundreds. At the peak of the riot a McDonald's official announced that the sandwich would return to the menu and that it was a marketing gimmick. Protesters literally froze in their tracks and once rioter could be heard saying "Oh." They then immediately dispersed with many muttering "My bad.... Sorry."

4. 'Cheers' Fans Riot Over Choosing Woody Harrelson to Replace Coach

rioting1.jpgFour were critically injured and three cop cars were torched in this extremely violent riot over the choice of Woody Harrelson to replace Coach on the popular TV series Cheers. "Turned out Woody Harrelson was pretty damn good. I admit it, we over reacted." says a now reflective Cheers fan Rebecca Gaylesford.

3. Detroit Pistons Fans Riot After Pre-Season Win

040615_pistonsFans_hmed_8p.standard.jpgWhen the Detroit Pistons beat the Atlanta Hawks in a 1993 pre-season game, over 8 thousand fans took to the streets. The Pistons had been led in scoring by Mark Macon with 12 points and had defeated the Hawks by 11 points. "A win's a win. It was the fourth game of the pre-season and we were pumped." said Tony Underhill. Police cars were overturned and a local Mexican restaurant was forcibly redecorated with a Thai theme.

2. Glenn Beck Fans Protest Themselves

Colonial-Man.jpgAfter Glenn Beck warned of paranoid misinformed people and the danger they posed to America, Beck followers immediately started protesting themselves. With chants like "We only have 10% of the information!" and "We make sweeping dangerous generalizations based on the ravings of a morning zoo hack!" One protester over turned his own car and maced himself yelling "I'm incapable of discerning misinformation from truth!!"

1. The Million Baby March

TEMP-Image_1_1.jpgAfter the success of the million man march and several other imitators, infant activists called for a Million Baby March. The protest was a resounding failure due largely to it's 1pm start time which was right in the middle of nap time. Babies also experienced difficulties with travel and the actual "marching" part of the march due to most participants being unable to walk.