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Some great comedic talents have left us far too early. A review of who's next. And who's not.
Published May 16, 2011 More Info »

Let's Review

I like watching comedies in all forms for inspiration.

Here are 3 great actors that left us far too early. Each one may have dabbled in illict substances, but I believe the extra weight they were carrying was a big contributory factor.

1) John Belushi



OK, "dabbled" is putting it mildy. But between 'Animal House' and 'Blues Brothers' he was also hitting the cheezberger-cheezberger-chips stand far too often.

2) John Candy



John Hughes would have had to rewrite much of 'Uncle Buck' without all the fat jokes. Each screen appearance was another 20 lbs. I remember sitting in the theater thinking "Johnny Boy-- slow down, brother!". And that is before I even knew what cholesterol was.


3) Chris Farley



I don't think you needed an ambulatory device to figure out 219/147 to a tad too high. Yes, speaking of 'too high', was also guilty in 'dabbling'. But I could tell when he did his worked up motivational speaker on SNL- as funny as it was- he was headed non-stop to Massive Coronary City. One Way and First Class.

On Their Way

1) Jonah Hill



HAD to have put on another 60 lbs. for 'Get Him to the Greek'. Russell Brand, while munching his greens at lunch break, must have looked over at Jonah and quietly said "Mate, that bucket of KFC is not going to get you another Apatow flick unless he sells that 'Blimp' script he's pitching to Paramount".

I feel sorry for the kid. Like Candy, they seem to write around him- and the girth is becoming only something mathematicians can theorize on. Won't see 40 at this pace.


2) Zach Galifianakis



I know, I'm offending the FOD gods by going here, but note Ferrell not on this list Will knows a fat Bush wouldn't cut it.

Zach seems to feel the more bushy his beard, the more likely his 3 jowels will be hidden.
 
Watch this recent FOD vid-

 



Can you not tell me Zach should be in the salad line? I'm surprised they could take a wide enough angle to squeeze him in.

Zach- I love ya, man. But please- take a role that calls for a svelte, kooky, neurotic chasing Reese Witherspoon. Fuck, Apatow reads this shit. Copyright, amyone??


3) Kevin Smith



Insanely talented- and smart enough NOT to cast himself in 'Zach and Miri Make a Porno' because of his propensity for full sides of beef and the oil from McDonald's fry vats.

You could see his Silent Bob was starting to make Jay look like a telephone pole.

Kev- why not do something involving a fat farm? I'm sure 1 & 2 would work for scale. Fuck, giving my ideas away again.

Wait Kev- remake Monty Python's "Meaning of Life"'s gorging scene. Should be a no brainer for you at this pace.

Got His Act Together

Seth Rogen



I couldn't have been happier when I watched 'Zach and Miri' and thought 'holy shit- he looks-- great! I'm not gay, but he's-- huggable now. I could almost buy him with Elizabeth Banks. I'd like to 'buy' that too, but now that I've given all my good ideas away in the above, I'll be lucky to end up with a dyed crack blonde on the corner.



The bottom line here is you can advance from all the man boob jokes in 'Knocked Up' to ass shots in 'Miri' without the need for barf bags.


And, you can play super heroes. He may not be Christian Bale, but he's probably easier to work with and doesn't need an anger management shrink on the set or written into his contract.


And those catered salad lunches save a bunch in production costs.


Hear that Paramount?

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