WASHINGTON, DC - In a new memoir to be released June 1, former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan writes that President Bush relied on propaganda to lead America into war and forced McClellan into misguided press briefings. The White House responded saying they were saddened by McClellan’s accusations, noting that McClellan is not the Scott they used to know.
 
“Who the hell is this guy?” White House advisor and former drinking buddy Karl Rove demanded. “The Scott I knew could double fist fratty Nattys all night and then smooth talk the Taco Bell cashier into giving us free chalupas.” Choking up Rove continued, "Seriously, who the hell is this guy now?”
 
Condoleeza Rice, a friend of Scott’s and Secretary of State, noticed a change as well, “The Scott I knew liked to polish my boots and eat baby food. Literally, baby food while sitting in a high chair.” Rice went on, “Now, he’s swollen and emotionless. It doesn’t take a genius to realize his body’s been snatched.”
 
President Bush himself is bewildered, “The Scotty I used to know would drink Tabasco shots on a dare and play chicken with an eighteen-wheeler in a dust storm in San Antonio. This new Scott is like a buzz kill in a bad suit. No thanks, motor mouth.”

The White House plans to continue their search for the Scott they do know.