Chino, CA - At 11:42 am on Tuesday, a 5.8 magnitude earthquake hit Chino Hills and was felt throughout most of Southern California. Local lothario and amateur geologist Chaz Roady believes that he caused it when his "huge cock rubbed against his beefy, beefy balls."

Roady, who majors in Geology and "Pussy Crushin" at Chino Community College, claims the friction caused by his jizz sacktory moving North and his giant fuck stick moving South mirrored the exact conditions of two tectonic plates rubbing against each other.

"Dicks and balls rub up against each other all the time, but it hardly ever causes an earthquake" said Roady. "But the truth of the matter is that I got nine and a half inches of pussy-seeking dick missile in my pants right next two tangerine-sized clackers. And when you have a combo likethat, it's just a matter of time before shit goes down."

Mr. Roady went on to say that at first he thought the quake might have originated in the pants of Fat Mike who, because of a gastrointestinal disorder, can fart really deep bass notes.

"But when I looked at Mike's pathetic no-snatch-gettin' ass and compared it to my deadly combo of a third leg and side by side cum-pumpers, I was like 'No way man, that
earthquake definitely started in my pants.'"