Washington DC - Seeking to distance himself from the record setting unpopularity of George W. Bush, John McCain will not give out nicknames.  Bush’s use of demeaning and stunningly obvious nicknames is considered “witty’ by aides, though psychologists cite them as textbook examples of the president’s “sadism and pathological insecurity”.

McCain campaign strategist/lobbyist Charlie Black hailed the announcement as proof that “apart from tax cuts and bombing people, John McCain is his own man”.  Black added that “where George Bush has been uninterested in governing, John McCain will be detached”.

Bush’s practice of giving nicknames is said to have originated when, at age five, he began referring to his wet nurse as “nursey”; and reached its zenith in his early forties when he would call his coke dealer “cokey dealery”.

Despite the campaign’s denials, McCain had been considering giving Sarah Palin a nickname.  Names under consideration included “Nanookie Of The North”, “Frosted Igloo Buns”, “Titsy Klondike” and “Queen Of The Snow Splooge”.  The last one had to be dropped when it was discovered to be Dick Cheney’s moniker as Gerald Ford’s Chief of Staff.