Hugh Hefner has new 19-year-old twin girlfriends.
No shit. It is not that hard to find hot girls who will take a million dollars in exchange for popping a thumb in an 82 year old’s butt.

Al Franken is leading in the Minnesota Senate Race .
No shit. Voters love Stuart Smalley.

Bridget Bardot ranted against Sarah Palin and Lauren Bacall smacked down Tom Cruise.
No shit. Old people are allowed to say anything they want. Look at John McCain.

Jamie Lynn Spears might be pregnant again.
No shit. She thought breast-feeding rerouted her eggs from her ovaries to her nipples.

AIG executives used their bailout money to vacation on a tropical island.
No shit. These guys were rich assholes before the bailout and they’ll be rich assholes when they’re in prison.

The national debt grew too large to fit on the debt clock in NYC .
No shit. That clock was moving faster than David Duchovony chasing a blonde extra back to his trailer.

OJ was found guilty of kidnapping and robbery .
No shit. Karma’s a bitch and she’ll get you. She'll get you exactly thirteen years after you were let off the hook for a double murder.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua was number one at the box office last weekend .
No shit. That movie is the exact opposite of all the political bull shit on television right now.