WASHINGTON, CD – In an effort by the GOP to “demonstrate the diversity and differences” in the party, the Republican National Convention is lining up a variety of speakers, each bringing a unique perspective to the issues.

Among them will be countless shades of white conservative Christians like Kansas Senator Sam Brownback, Governor Charlie Crist, a tan conservative Christian from sunny Florida, and Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, an oily-skinned, shiny white conservative Christian. Highlighting the range of the party even more will be not a man, but a woman – Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, a white conservative Christian with lipstick.

Governor Tim Pawlenty, a conservative Republican and McCain loyalist, is excited for the country to see his party’s diversity, “This morning I was on a private jet discussing super-yachts and crude oil investments with my Republican colleague Rudy Giulliani. He likened the mixture at this year’s convention to a New York City subway, which I guess means it occasionally has people of different races!” Pawlenty and Giulliani will both speak at the convention, the former NYC mayor in the keynote speaker slot.

The array of opinions wont stop over the four-days in St. Paul, Minnesota with former Governor Tom Ridge, former Governor Mike Huckabee and former Governor Mitt Romney all featured at the podium. “Their commonalities stop at ‘former Governor’”, said Rick Davis, McCain’s campaign manager. “And the fact that they’re white. And males. And they share the same positions on the war. And gay marriage, and immigration, energy, abortion, Bush, Italian food, reggae music, Monday mornings, the taste of medicine, Parcheesi...” Still insisting notable variations between the speakers Davis continued, “Well Huckabee thinks Mormons believe Jesus and the devil are brothers. So he is different than Romney there.”