Bob C.

Bob, sorry I'm so late with my thanks - I hadn't looked at my standup page in ages. Thank you so much for the kind words! (And yes, I... more »

Bob, sorry I'm so late with my thanks - I hadn't looked at my standup page in ages. Thank you so much for the kind words! (And yes, I was mocked ceaselessly about body parts in junior high and high school.) Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a nice note!

My epitaph would say: "What was THAT all about?" or "QUIET! I'm sleepin'... more »

My epitaph would say: "What was THAT all about?" or "QUIET! I'm sleepin' here!"

I have been late to every event in my life: school, work, therapy, parties - Everything! I purposely am going to schedule my funeral for 2 p.m. At 2:30 p.m. they will roll my casket out into the room.
My eulogy will be short and sweet: "Ladies and gentlemen, the LATE Robert C." Music selection will be a collection of some of my favorites through the years that would be appropriate for the occassion: "Stayin' Alive","Every Breath You Take", "Strokin'", "Kryptonite", "How Do You Like Me Now?" or "I Wanna Talk About Me!", "Don't Fear the Reaper" with Will Ferrell on cowbell, and finally, "The Rodeo Song".

In actuality, I prefer cremation. I want my ashes spread from the Duquesne Incline platform atop Mt. Washington in Pittsburgh while "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas plays in the background. OR, "It's Raining Men!" by The Weather Girls.

Dear Rick,
Completely agree with you about the husbands who suffer ED...the... more »

Dear Rick,
Completely agree with you about the husbands who suffer ED...the wives don't do it for them anymore. It's like "ANYONE but YOU, lady! You've become my mother!" Pretty soon, even the ones you wouldn't bag on a drunken binge start becoming potential prospects. "Yeah, I'd do her! It's only been 5 years since I got laid! What? I know she has a wart with hair growing out of it on her upper lip...just get a load of those humongous titties. Yes, I'm aware that at 350 pounds most of it is just fat. But did you get a load of that ass? What about the paunch and the moose knuckle - what's it to you! It's what on the inside that counts! She what? She did time for manslaughter and lost her eye in prison! I thought she was staring at me funny. Kept following me around the room with her glass eye. Whatever, MAN! I need to get laid - like 10 minutes ago. Any port in the storm and all that. I swear, bro, if I didn't know better, I'd think YOU were after some of that action. Hey, wait a minute! Go find your own damn prospect. I call dibs. Yes, I know you've been married longer than me, but I saw her first! You would? You would tell my wife on me?! A fine brother-in-law YOU turn out to be!"

Nice job, Rick! Takes lots of guts to do stand-up, but you seem at ease with it. Keep on goin'!
All My Best,
Bob the Jitterbug

Dear Amy,
Directing AND Producing at 12? Awesome! At 12 I was just getting... more »

Dear Amy,
Directing AND Producing at 12? Awesome! At 12 I was just getting into baseball cards. Thanks for the website address...I'm going to check it out.

Oh, to be your toothbrush...or a fly upon your bedroom wall! Screw that - Oh to be your vampire suitor, flying to your window, my cape billowing as I land on the ledge. The curtains fly and the windows swing open. Wait! They're painted shut? And they're double hung so they don't swing open even if they weren't painted shut? WTF? Does a vampire have to get a rock and bust some windows to get his freak on around here? Damn, girl, this was supposed to be suave and easy. But NOooo! I gotta go crawlin' around gettin' my hands dirty lookin' for rocks to bust out your damn painted shut windows! This is not how I envisioned it. It was supposed to be romantic. Access denied. Hell, I'll tear down the freakin' wall to get to your ass! Anything that good is worth the extra effort. And don't worry - I have carpenter skills to make the wall good as new. And THIS time I'll make sure that the damn windows ain't painted shut!

Have a great night and an even better tomorrow, Amy. Champagne wishes and pepperjack dreams. G'night.
xoxoxo
Roberto' Le Stat

Dear Matthew,
Thanks a lot for subbing me. You said I made you laugh and... more »

Dear Matthew,
Thanks a lot for subbing me. You said I made you laugh and that's as great a compliment one can get ( unless people laugh when I'm not trying to be funny - which seems to happen more often than the good kind. )
I'm a big dreamer with big dreams but lack the nutsack to see 'em through. It's a confidence issue, mostly - not in my dreams but in my dedication. I saw a sign once that said "If you do not start, you are guaranteed not to arrive." I need to start real soon or it will be too late and my dreams will become only so much wishful thinking.
Just for making me think so deep, I'm going to sub you back. I was going to anyway, but hey, it sounded good. Thanks again, Matthew.
All My Best,
Bob the Jitterbug

Dear Dave,
Yeah, I'm still here. Trying to get caught up with my... more »

Dear Dave,
Yeah, I'm still here. Trying to get caught up with my correspondences while corresponding in time delay. Still haven't made it to the salt mine but it looks like a toughie. Snuck a peak at the picture and some of the answers. Saw one of your clues to Erika about forest for the trees and others had maple syrup tap, so that's probably what it is. I'll find something to say about what it MIGHT be, though.
Like a Kidney Stone,
Bob