Hall of Fame
Sexy, but dangerous. Wanted in multiple states for aggravated aggravation by a repeat aggravator with intent to aggravate. Born a good blue-blooded Connecticut boy on the hard steets of Uncasville. As a youth, I joined the crips and bloods simulationsly and accidentally became a crud…then (for some reason) I spent the best years of my life living in Atlanta, GA. I’ve lived in Hollywood, CA for going on six years and life couldn’t be better. I also reside in Vegas (or as long as my liver will allow). I was born on 9/11. I spent ten years of my life playing and touring the world in a comedy metal band Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles. In 2003 we won the Howard Stern Award for Excellence In Music. After that brief time in the spotlight, I bailed so I wouldn't get called a sellout... Ive been on the Jerry Springer Show acting as a pimp the first time Jerry beat Opera in the ratings -- this lead to two subsequent stellar appearances. Ive also been arrested on Real Stories of the Highway Patrol. In my spare time I enjoy mountain biking, surfing, golf, selling my vital organs for money and snorting solvents. So, if you are not impressed by my musical prowess, flawless facial features, Pulitzer Prize level writing ability, impeccable physique, TV appearances, unnessesary modesty , or criminal record let me also make you aware that I am one of the best prank callers in the nation. As you can see Im really the shallow LA type. So now I bet you are wondering... So, what do I do for a living? Let me see hereerr, Im a part time astronaut -- well thats not really true. Lets just say I have a very lucrative job as a quality control tester for a mace company. My two claims to fame are Oliver Stone once tried to kill me and I dated a girl for six months that couldnt talk. So, if youve read this far I bet you are thinking This has got to be a fake bio, right? Ok, you got me, I'm not a part time astronaut. The rest of the shit is 100% true. Pretty silly, eh?