From yesterday’s picture of a total piece of a shit to today’s picture of lots of pieces of shit...and shitty luck, to boot!

Lizardladyfla slithers:

Bronze:Amy4Birds

Chris Brown hits some girls,
But not the ones with badges.
He's mean, but not dumb

Silver:bigjas

A threesome is on
They have their own cuffs with them
I promise not to hit

Gold:WILLIBOY

RIDDLE ME THIS CHRIS
WHAT IS IT THATS BLACK N BLUE?
EVERY GIRL YOU'VE MET

I usually stay away from celebrities (mostly because of the restraining orders), but this photo was just begging to be captioned. Haiku only please!



The winners according to yours truly:

Bronze: JoeLeeThree
What a silly girl
No wonder they got stopped
She has no helmet

I'd be happy to lend her mine.

Silver: WILLIBOY
HEY, PULL IT OVER
NO MUFFLER ON HER EXHAUST
JUST A LITTLE MUFF

Clever as ever.

Gold: lizardladyfla
What do we do now ?
he might give us a warning
let him cop a feel

Now, THAT is how you turn a phrase, people!

As much fun as Vegas was, I can't help but think that I should forget about gambling and start saving for a motorcycle.

So, I know I'm not supposed to tell all the details of my excursion, but I figured I'd share the humorous highlights of the trip.

At the Craps table, a large African-American male repeatedly insisted that the croupier return the dice to him immediately. They took a few second longer than he would have liked and then he rolled  the dreaded 7. He starts flailing his hands at the dealers and repeats over and over again
"Man, why you got to cool a n*gga off?"

For those who do not know, $1 chips are typically white. So, when I needed change, I decided to ask for "Vermont." Naturally, no one knew what I meant until I explained: "All white." I was proud of this little ditty; so, I repeated it at a second table, only to hear, "Hey, I'm from Vermont!" I considered apologizing, but then, the speaker goes, "Can I use that?"

Unlike in bars, the norm at strip clubs is for women to approach you and ask your name. Then, as on might expect, the patron often asks for the names of the young ladies. Well, two young women came over to me at once, and when I asked their names, they responded IN UNISON "Sluts!"

I inquired as to whether one was Slut A and the other other Slut B or if they were just collectively Sluts. Surprisingly, they were not amused.

Anyway, haikus will resume tomorrow, though be warned: August is a conference heavy month for me, and I will be popping in and out. Also, now that I'm home, I can't wait to get back to Vegas again. So, let's get planning this FOD trip. A few people have expressed interest in going a weekend this September. If you think you'd be available to join in the festivities, leave a note below. All are invited. Hope to see you there!

First off, I would like to thank everyone for the votes and kind words in re my Chuck Norris caption. Breaking 60 funnies is not something I thought I'd ever do, and I am humbled by your recognition. Please remember to tell your hot, single friends how funny I am.

Second, who wants to go to Vegas? I'm trying to organize a little FOD vacation in the near future. If you want it, leave some preferred dates here or message me.

And finally, today's contest: Who say chivalry is dead?



Drwho diagnoses:

I guess I am to judge this one.

I really liked everyone's haikus, well mine was sorta lame.

Honors are

Still spotted:
phukuhp

I CANT HELP IT DEER
EVERY TIME I SEE THAT ASS
I JUST GET HORNY

Spike horn:
jessicaligula

Sunday at the zoo
The family can enjoy
God's wondrous creatures

Full Rack:
FissureFilms

Coitus amongst deer
Bambi loves a reach-around
Thumper masturbates

Enough of the battle of the sexes. For today's haiku contest, I say we all come together.




phukuhp gets it right:

AND THE WINNERS ARE...

1ST> DRWHO
After a hard days night
Redlighting in Amsterdam
She finds she is full

2ND> JOELEETHREE
Stopping to rest at
The John Holmes Memorial
Was a huge relief

3RD> GURTHARDQUFFAW
I have sprung a leak
Lying here waiting for sex
From a cute plumber

HONORABLE MENTIONS
LIZZY
lizardladyfla
lizardladyfla

I dont envy that
and like my plumbing inside
but I do have balls

MPG
Really gotta pee
Would I make a nice guy-ser?
Lay it and spray it

WI
A REVERSE WET FART
CAN BE A WHOLE LOTTA FUN
IF SHE HAD SOME TITS

THE OTHER GUY THAT PLAYED
PHUKUHP
strange little woman
she has a plumbing problem
dosent seem to care