I am an out of work middle aged man, who was originally born in East Ukraine. I enjoy lavender based soaps, old Paula Abdul records, and collecting different colored shoe laces. I moved to America because I was prosicuted in Ukraine for eating hampsters underneath an old subway car. I am currently building a robot to perform open heart surgery on house cats, and then hopefully I will be rich enough to drive a used buick. One time a devoured an entire metalic pig sculpture. At the age of 5, I stuck my fingers into a live rabbit stomach. One time I saw a Croatian demon, and I was instantly transported into a White Snake video. When I am alone I read Baby Sitter's Club novels in the dark, with a plastic bag over my head.