Guys- I know that both of you who have been reading my blogs this week are probably totally chomping at the bit for me to post today. Well things have been a little hairy and I haven't been able to do the quality work that Went and Lauren who works at FOD have come to expect.

So I promise I will put something of real value up in a little while. But in the meantime, enjoy this, and try not to cream your jeans!:

Today's font- Times New Roman

Are these posting in the chosen fonts? Screw it. No time to worry.


Go for it.


Okay, so I literally have 23 minutes in which to blog about something today. Don't want to bore you with the details of my life but in, crap, 22 minutes I have to take over watching my daughter. She is amazing. I totally, absolutely love her. I am realizing that I have quickly become one of those people who will destroy your patience with stories or pictures. More often than not it will be pictures flashed first when someone is kind/stupid enough to ask how she is doing, how old she is, etc and then I just can't stop myself. I mean, yes I can, but rarely do I. Is it cute? The first 20 times, yes. Then... no. There have definitely been some times when people have just shut down and checked out and hated me and my amazing kid. A good friend just said, with the upmost of disinterest , "Yeah, She's cute. Okay. I'm good." And there have been a few instances that I have waxed annoying to some ladies who's biological clocks are clearly ticking at a deafening volume in their heads, and I can see the frustrated hunger well up in their eyes. But by that point my compulsion is in full swing. I can't stop. And I can hear their ovaries withering too nothing. Ewww.


It can be annoying. I admit it. If  I met me and had to hear me yak on and on, I would hate me too. Hell, I'd maybe even punch me. Take a pool cue to me and knock me right out... And then dump my unconscious body round back of the bar. Fuck it, I look like I've got some serious cash on me, so let's go through my wallet while I keep an eye out for the pigs. Come on man, hurry it up! FUCK.


You got it? Okay, let's go! What?! What the fuck, man? No. NO. LET'S GO! No I don't want to do that to me?! Cause it's fucking disgusting, man. Why do you always want to piss on them after we roll them? I'm just saying it is fucking freaky man. No, I'm not calling you a homo, man. Alls I'm saying is that I notice a weird compulsion you have when we- Yes, I know I have weird compulsion too, the talking about my kid thing. yeah, I know. That's what got me into this situation in the first place, but with you- Fine. FINE. I won't mention it anymore. Let's just leave my body by the dumpster and go score some fucking meth man. Cool? Cool.


Here, follow me. I think Goldy is home. He'll hook us up. I'm all straight with him now. That was just a bad night. Well, his old lady was being a major bitch, so... You know shit happens. She wasn't good looking to begin with so no loss there... I just want to get fucking high and forget about just getting mugged by us. What? What the hell does that mean? Yeah, I know I got a kid. So? So shut the fuck up man. I know what I am doing! Well who the hell are you to judge me, man!? Huh, here you are ripping people off, pissing on them. Well don't give me any shit about "you got kids". You run my kid's weekly sing a long at the library, so you got more kids depending on you than me. It is totally the same thing. Asshole... Excuse me? What did you call me?!  You know what man, the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus, go- GAHH! They go flat when I shove my knife in them, bitch! FUCK YOU.

Hey man? Dude? Oh god... Oh my god. What have I done? What have I become?!

Bwwwwwaaaa!!!

SHIT! It's the heat!

Oh... 23 minutes. is up. Time to watch my daughter.

Day 3

Trebuchet MS is the font.

First off, we really need to get those comment numbers up FOD Blog fans. Even if you think I suck hippo balls, post a comment. Earlier today, there were 2 comments and now one has been removed! WTF- which mean "what the fuck" BTW. I mean thus far Went is doing all the heavy commenting, and from the looks of his profile pictures, he is not in the best of health to be doing all the work. People, let's do this.

So I have noticed a few male acquaintances, friends- all of whom now have a child and are now or approaching forty- are now sporting goatees. It strikes me that this might be their subtle middle age rebellion gesture. Not as bad as getting a Ferrari, or going the other way and getting a recumbent bike, but still it is upsetting to me. 

I am now 40 and I admit I have had my moments of gripping to the image of youth. A friend identified my new jacket my wife picked out for me as a "cool guy jacket". It's got epaulettes- those useless shouder strap that would serve a purpose if I was holding my c-rations or ammo clips up there. Instead these cool guy epaulettes symbolically hold what my goatee used to hold. And food doesn't get stuck in them.

I had a goatee, back in college. But this was waaaay back in the early 90's. Back when the goatee was the present day equivalent of the Rasputin beards that indie kids are sporting. But those were different times. Grunge was king. We were Generation X. Wifi did not exist. And as such, having an anus like ring of hair around your mouth was cool. It was a statement. It said, "Yeah... what? Pshh. Whatevs. Laaaaaater... Eddie Vedder."

Few, if any, men look good in grosstees. (Remember the clever blog title?) They make everyone look like they run a limo service or they want to be cast as the bad guy in a SCiFi original film. But I guess when Father Time comes a knocking and makes the middle flesh a bit looser, when the random prostate health article becomes of interest to you, then why not draw the eye to a Monk's Tonsure placed around your yapper, just for the sake of dignity and pride. Why not? Because.

Look at Mr. Rick Springfield:

Gorgeous man. No need to hide your beautiful march towards older age behind what looks to be a charcoal rendering of a goatee. The only sign of youth with this is that he looks like a he has a fifteen year old boys face fuzz shorn down to a stubly notion of a hair circle.

And another red flag:

I can understand that he is doing something facial-hairic because he is badlbaldbaldybald, but to me the fact that Howie Mandel rocks a goatee attractive should make anyone take scalding hot motor oil to the area around their mouth and burn the flesh so that no hair will EVER grow there. (However, the double earring? Rock solid. Always a good look. AL-WAYS.)

I just don't want my friends to start to wear bomber jackets and aged denim dress jeans, because a goatee is a gateway... thing. I like the idea that you just sort of start to gently dull down as you age and you're fine with that. No shame in it. Less fuss. You're becoming at peace with yourself. It's dignified.

All that being said, I am all for self tanning lotion and anal bleaching until the day I die.

Blogging, Day Two.
Today's font of choice- Tahoma.

Let's do this...

I'd like to share a recent web encounter that totally depressed and delighted me. It's the kind of thing that I thought I would encounter more of moving out here to Los Angeles, but apparently I am not hanging out in the right parts of town, or near the right superstores.

So this is a message I received from a gentleman we will call "BILL" for the purpose of this story, and just in case he stumbles on this blog and then seeks me out and kills me Manson style here in the hills of... the area of town in which I live. Oh shit.

Hey Brian

I found your head-shot&res walking my dog, outside of Petco on La brea&3rd in LA.

Are you still with Endeavor?
How about a referral.

Thanks
"Bill"
and then he leaves a 323 number. A pay phone I assumed.

So he figures, why not take a shot. Right? I might just read his message and think "Hey, this guy seems pretty talented. Not only did he find my headshot on the ground, but he tracked me down on the web! I can only assume that he is a money making super talent that I should tell my agents about right away!" Makes total sense right? NO! No! It doesn't! (That sounded harsh, Bill. Please don't kill me and my family.) 

But really, "how about a referal"? Well, fella! How about because I don't KNOW YOU. How about this strikes me as how a terrible chains of events start. When one desperate stranger makes contact with another person in the hopes that they are like minded. And then they form a "bond", but the depth of their bond doesn't really go beyond referring to each other as "my buddy here-". And the next thing you know there is a dead teenage girl and a shit ton of cocaine still to do. No thanks, Bill.

So naturally I should have just ignored it and left it alone, but my perverse desire to make it funny forced my hand and I replied with this.

I will check in with my people at Endeavor.
In the meantime hold onto my headshot.

That last sentence I guess was to make him feel like there would be a moment when we would meet and I would get my ONE headshot back from him. 

Oh, before we continue, here is Bill's about me section:
About me:
Director,Editor,Cinematographer,Actor (in a pass life) Drummer- 20/20 ,The Know, Joan Jett + I have a small production company self contained, complete with a post production facility. We shoot and edit in 24pHD, the facilities editing suite is also set up to do live tracking with a ISO room to record drums, vocals, acoustic guitars, besides voiceover, folly, and Sound-FX . I am still involved in Music and shooting music videos. I am very interested in shooting a high quality short film small cast character driven and will ,once the content (story) can be sorted out. Actor's , writers, production assistances ,are welcome to send a message to express there interest in this area.

Why doesn't Joan Jett hook him up? What, did he find her mix tape and give her a call? BOOM! (Bill, again, this is all in good fun.)

Bill replied with this:
Hey B
Thanks for getting back to me.
I was just takin a shot!.
I 'm at the point were BS agent's from the Valley are sending me appointments Michael Zunack -Sylvia Ferguson & Associates.
Besides being in the valley most likely there scams acting school- photographer of there choice. Thats been going on for years I would have thought the internet would have ended that.I was in the music business for years out here.
I was neighbors /friends with Lawrence Tierney (the actor) until he passed away in 2002 he got me to take acting seriously.
I was thinking of trying his agent Don Gerler on Cahunga but I didn't hear much about him.
Lawrence was doing films sense the 40's so i think Don maybe just booked him when people called for Larry.
I'm finishing editing a REEL that should help.
I'll hold on to YOUR head&res it's the one with black boarders you wearing a light colored shirt.

Thanks man

BTW Lawrence Tierney, the actor, was the Joe Cabot in Reservoir Dogs guys...

So, this made me sad.  Clearly the guy is sincere, but the just the victim of this town... and possibly making terrible choices, like contacting me. But it can be said that insane people are the most sincere people on Earth, because they believe their actions to make sense and be true. Not to say "Bill" is insane, but... Oh god, please, please just don't hurt my family.

So I decided to just end it and wrote::
My agency passed. Sorry man. Just to let you know they said that it might not be the strongest choice to seek a referal from a stranger. Agents, right?

Giving gentle, but still condescending advice, and then putting it all on "the suits". I am a pussy.

And "Bill" relied with:
Here's something you could look at.
It's not my REEL but it something you can see now. you would have to fast forward to 2:28 before you see or hear me.

http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=lv9OYzBqj7k

I wouldn't expect a agency like Endeavor to take unknown talent anyway.
Thanks for trying though.I was just taken a shot.

Take care

Aw man... It kind of breaks my heart. I mean I am very, very lucky. And I'm not even successful by industry standards. But it is a very tough business and there doesn't seem to be an easy way to navigate it. Bill reaching out to me, however  clumsy or awkward it might be, really made me think, and take stock.

I watched Bill's YouTube clip for the first time tonight. It is from a student film scene reenactment, from the movie "Munich". "Bill" is not bad... But this just goes to show how unfair this town is. EVERYONE else in that scene reenactment has just been signed by Endeavor. Everyone... including the scene's director Bryce Lemon.

Sorry Bill. Please don't gut my dog and hang him from our tree...

Hello-  My name is Brian Huskey and I am the guest blogger for FunnyOrDie this week.  Hello.  Nice to see you.  Hi. 

Many of you might not know who the hell I am. Sure, I could reel off a list of TV and film credits.  I could link you to numerous web series videos.  I could allude to a seemingly endless series of commercials in which I appear.  But, you know what... I'm not gonna.  I think you should do the some digging.  It'll be fun!  It's called the internet. And you're on it right now.  So use it or lose it, people!

Now, for those of you who actually read the FOD blog section on a regular basis I have to admit that I have never in fact blogged on anything in my life.  Not a big fan of blogs, I guess.  I know there are all sorts of blogs out there, but I think I have read to many obsessed blogs that focus on the minutiae of the blogger's day- "Ken-O's Daily Sandwich Update!  Today I took a bit of a risk and decided to reenact the Bay of Pigs with a little something called a Cubano?  A Cubano?!!!!! Ham and pork and mayo and a pickle???????!!!  What the-?  Was it worth not having my trusty Roast Beef with swiss, ground mustard on a kaiser role?  Well gang, let's just say... Si se puede!"   That kind of thing.  (But seriously check out Ken-O's sandwich blog.  Fascinating.)


So I was a little reluctant about doing this blog, until... The folks at FOD told me how much this gig pays... Holy Crapballs.  


Dear readers, it is INSANE money.  I am talking cashmere condoms, crystal jet skis, white snow leopards killed for my pleasure kind of money.  Definitely blood money, EVIL money.  Human trafficking money.  But fuck it, man.  This is the internet.  This is the wild west where anything can happen!  It's no shock though.  I mean look at all the success stories coming from the Blogosphere: Diablo Cody- BOOM! One day she is working a shitty temp job, mainataining an asymmetrical hairstyle, blah blah blahing on her blog about her favorite Salvation Army closing down and the next thing you know, her quirky, wildly unnatural dialogue is being belted out on the big screen by the likes of Rainn Wilson and Ellen Paige!  Granted that is the only success story I know of that relates to blogging, but I am sure there are others.  


All I knows is Huskey is getting fuggin' rich off this shit.  And I playing by MY rules.  They told me to do my first post on Sunday and lookit- it's 10:24 P.M. 


Boom.