House Of Honcho

GREETINGS, SALUTATIONS, and SHALOM: Please allow me to introduce myself - a man of wealth and taste. My name is LEE HONCHO and I am a time-travelling Jew rocker from the year 1979. I have come to the future (you call it the present) to do two things: 1.... more »

GREETINGS, SALUTATIONS, and SHALOM:

Please allow me to introduce myself - a man of wealth and taste. My name is LEE HONCHO and I am a time-travelling Jew rocker from the year 1979. I have come to the future (you call it “the present”) to do two things:

1. Cool the bitches out
2. Rock with my tribute band Love Gun
3. Score some black chicks
4. Be a million-dollar TV super star
5. I forgot what #5 was, but it's probably something cool like doing karate or hanging out with Eddie Money

So ANYCRAP, here is never-before-seen archival footage of our show - HOUSE OF HONCHO - which is probably the best show in the history (or future) of the world - except for that old sitcom "All-American Grandpa” and maybe that game show “Gay! Cop! Mustache!” I apologize to you for the assbaggy video quality. Being from the past and whatnot, I kinda suck at technology, plus our camera man - Pantera Dean - kept blowin' us off. But the show is still AWESOME! DAMMIT!!!

What you don't know YET is that you are EXTREMELY important in making us tremendously rich, famous, sexxxy TV stars. THAT’S RIGHT - we are the most amazing, incredible superstars in the world, and YOU made it happen.

Here's the deal: Baron Von Lufkin (B.V.L.) from the Swiss Institute - who invented time travel at the Fermi Lab in Chicago - sent me into the future to see how big a hit the show was gonna become. Then, using math and procedures and crap like that, they figured out that we had to travel to 2009 and post this crap on Funny or Die. Then you take this crap and get us a deal for HOUSE OF HONCHO. We end up being the #1 show in the world (even though you make us stop swearing so much), we all get super rich, I hook up with black chicks, my sidekick Hector goes on to revive the Teen Wolf franchise, and the rest is history (well, technically it's the future).

HERE IS THE IMPORTANT PART!

If you do NOT do your part and make us famous and whatnot, this will disrupt the space-time continuum - I have been told that this is VERY BAD. B.V.L. and the Swiss boys tried to explain it all to me, but I wasn't really paying attention, as the steak sammich I was eating was too delicious. Then they started showing me charts and graphs and crap like that, and I was like, “Yeah - where are the black chicks?”

So hook us up - and make it FAST - or the world ends. In addition to having a hit TV show, you will be the guy who saved the planet. They'll probably put you in a future history book for that. Or at least in the paper.

Oh yeah - one other thing that sucks about the future is that Tony Danza is still famous. They tell me there’s nothing we can do about it, so don’t even ask.

OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE:
"House of Honcho: Too Honcho for TV" is the extraordinarily mind-bending Bonus DVD that picks up where the first season of the television phenomenon “House of Honcho” left off. “Too Honcho for TV” is a fusion of some of the most incredibly hilarious and ingenious material ever created. The extravaganza includes never-before-seen outtakes, behind-the-scenes footage, deleted scenes, guest interviews, and musical numbers. And now it has been chopped up to be featured here, exclusively, on Funny or Die.

Background: Co-directors Satchel Underwood and Johnny Satan - in conjunction with DAMMIT Industries - agreed to release “Too Honcho for TV” out of gratitude to the hoards of minions who have delivered incredible fame and fortune to the Honcho crew. Unfortunately, soon after the project was completed, Underwood and Satan destroyed the master tapes for the entire first season of the show in what was described by onlooker Vincent Gallo as “a bizarre yet harmonious acid-induced war dance”. Thanks to this inexplicable turn of events, Underwood and Satan have all but guaranteed that the first season of “House of Honcho” will never again be seen.

Thankfully, “Too Honcho for TV” survived the beautiful disaster, and now represents far more than just a Bonus DVD. Gallo - who was present during an advance screening - calls it, “One part Jaco Pastorius, one part Salvador Dali, one part Beach Boys ‘Smile’, and one-hundred percent cock and balls.” But that’s just one insane man’s take on it. Most people just call it, “F*CKIN’ AWESOME!” « less