David Goodberg

Well, to start, I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter. I am a master with the samurai; I can dice a carrot into four equal pieces if projected into the air at the proper angle. My control over my center of gravity... more »

Well, to start, I can tell the difference between butter and I can't believe it's not butter. I am a master with the samurai; I can dice a carrot into four equal pieces if projected into the air at the proper angle. My control over my center of gravity allows me to balance on rope as thin as a quarter of an inch. Juggling chainsaws while keeping a flaming hoola hoop in motion was mastered at the mere age of 15. Most of the time, I am always right, 30% of the time. When I was five, I wrote my first string quartet, only to discover later that it was identical to Schubert’s String Quartet No. 15 in G Major. I can withstand high pressures and extreme heat, allowing me to assist NASA in preliminary tests on new equipment and spacecraft. I can speak English, Spanish, Swedish, and Moldavian, as well as four different forms of non-verbal communication. Shortly after my birth, I was given treatment for a failing heart, which has since given me abilities not seen in most humans. My magnetism allows me to take advantage of gravity and thus, I have become a super hero by night. You will never see me carry out or complete any of these tasks, for my secret identity must be kept secret. « less