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This I Hold To Be Self Evident... Your Music Sucks!
This I Hold To Be Self Evident... You Put That Bumper Sticker There Because You Want Me To Read It
This I Hold To Be Self Evident... The City Of Detroit Is An Asshole
This I Hold To Be Self Evident... The Only Thing Lance Armstrong Should Be Punished For Is Making Me Care About Cycling
This I Hold To Be Self Evident... "Teen Paranormal Fiction" is The New "Teen Mystery-Solving Fiction"
Five Things That I'd Like To Get Off My Chest For No Other Reason Than I Now Have An Outlet To Do So
Apple Unveils Preview of New, Larger, Folding iPad With Attached Keyboard, Nerd High-Fives Echo All Over Silicon Valley
NBC Executives Unveil Secret Weapon For Fall Season: Time Machine To Make It 1996 Again
Five things I've concluded regarding the Olympics based on hours of viewing and much scholarly research
Five Thinks That I'd Like Everybody To Be Aware Of...
5 New Shows From The Producers Of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New "Total Recall" Promises to be "Significantly More Terrible Than The Original," Chick With Three Boobs Still In Play
Next on Non-Ice-Road-Truckers!
Man Who Looks Like John Travolta Turns Out to Be Jon Travolta, Onlookers Immediately Disinterested
Heat Get Monkey Off Their Back With NBA Finals win, LeBron Tells Mario Chalmers "Get Your F*cking Hands Off My Trophy
Tyson Chandler Doesn't Not Play Defense, Automatically Named 2012 NBA Defensive Player of The Year
Cristiano Ronaldo Falls to Turf and Accuses Opponent of Being "Big Jerk" During Euro2012 Match, Demands Red Card
Paris Hilton Caught Browsing Guggenheim Museum, Publicity Team Working Hard to Rebuild Shattered Image
"Hell's Kitchen" Contestant Murders Gordon Ramsay, Also Everybody Else During Service... Scallops Still Underdone
Connecticut Man Watches Two Episodes of "Through The Wormhole," Tests Everybody's Patience at Bar That Night
Genius Uses Can of Flexseal to Silence Nagging Wife, Sales Rise 1700% Overnight
U.S. Olympic Committee Prepared to "Make You People Give a Shit" About the Upcoming Games, if Necessary
Peyton Manning Admits That He's "Super Bummed" Not to Have Factored in Last Year's MVP Race While Sitting Out The Season
Man Buys Wilco T-Shirt and French Bulldog, Instantly Liked by Other Assholes