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New Comedy Short
Sup again guys, I just finished my second comedy short. About the ending, I didn’t end it like that to be lazy, I wanted a Whitest Kids U Know-esque ending. Any feedback much appreciated.
Jesus N’ Gang’s Tragic Mishap By: Jace Boss
(Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi are sitting on a couch. Jesus is playing Super Mario Bros. while Buddha and Gandhi sit bored.) NOTE: Buddha, of course, has a stereotypical, Indian store clerk, “Sank you, come again.” accent.
Jesus: Yea! Yea!!! What now King Koopa? Oh! Oh!! BAM!!! Turtle-shelled yo punk ass!!! Woooo!!! Yeeeeea!!! I am a BEAST at Mario! Bowser aint got shit on ol’ JC baby, woooo!
(Buddha and Gandhi give a bored look to each other. Jesus notices.)
Jesus: What’s up guys, y’all look bored.
Gandhi: Of course we’re bored, all we’ve done all day is watch you play Mario.
Jesus: Buddha, you bored too?
Buddha: Oh yes, very, very much so.
Jesus: Oh. . . . . .well, what do you want to do?
Gandhi: Bring peace to the world.
Buddha: Meditate under a tree, very much.
Jesus: Hmmmmm. . . . . .could you think of something not totally gay, hehehehe.
Gandhi: Come on man, don’t tease.
Jesus: Alright, alright, well we can come up with something a little better than peace-bringing and tree-sitting. . . . . . . . . . . . .I got it!!! Wanna do some shots?
Buddha: I can’t Jesus, that would separate me from my Noble Eightfold Path.
Jesus (staring at Buddha blankly): Alright, you’re out. Gandhi, you wanna get crunk?
Gandhi (agitated): No, Jesus.
Jesus: Ahhh, whatever, you’d probably shrivel up anyway. Well you guys are the bored ones. I mean I’m cool with playing Mario for the rest of the night.
(A short silence ensues)
Jesus: I got it!!! Let’s break into some kid’s room and play with his toys! Gandhi and Buddha: NO!!!
Jesus: Awwww, come on guys. (Jesus gets somber) Listen guys, I never really had a childhood and. . . . .I guess I just wanna do some kid stuff. I mean, why do you think I’ve been playing Mario all day?
Gandhi: Yea about that Jesus, what was your childhood like? I’ve read the Bible and that part seems to be missing.
Jesus (almost nervously): Oh, it was just this thing, you know? I met this chick named Mary, smokin’ hot by the way, and some uhhhh. . . . .some stuff happened. We ran off together and. . . . . . . .I dunno, there was the night life, and then I had kids, and then there was something about a restraining order or something, I dunno man, peyote’s a hell of a drug. But anyway, my point is I didn’t have a normal childhood so, I mean can’t we just go play with some kid’s Legos or something?
Buddha: I don’t know, Jesus, this sounds wrong, very much.
Jesus: Oh come on Buddha, you can’t tell me that you had a normal childhood either.
Buddha: . . . . . . .Well, come to think of it I didn’t. I was a prince as a child then I spent most of my young adulthood under a tree.
Jesus: See? Some good, old fashioned child’s play might do us some good. Gandhi, what do you think?
Gandhi:. . . . . .Well, maybe if we find a kid with GI Joe’s.
Jesus: Yea, yea, sure. Soooooo. . . . .we doing this or what?
(Gandhi and Buddha look at each other)
Gandhi and Buddha: Ok, sure.
Jesus: Alright, let’s go.
(Cut to the guys peeking through a window into a kid’s room. All the dialogue is whispered.)
Jesus: What do you think guys? This room’s pretty tight, right?
Buddha: I don’t think we should be doing this, Jesus.
Jesus: Come on, Buddha, we came all this way and we’re not gonna back out.
Gandhi: Oh cool, GI Joes.
Jesus (to Buddha): See man, this room’s perfect. GI Joes, I think I see a whole box full of Legos over there, and there’s a little mat for you to meditate on.
Buddha: That’s a sleeping mat, Jesus, which means this child is very, very young. He’s probably in pre-school. No, I can’t do this.
Jesus: Dad dammit, Buddha! You’re not backing out, we’re not backing out, we’re doing this! Buck up for my’s sake!
Buddha: Ok. . . . . . .ok, let’s do it, very much.
Jesus: Alright guys, stand back. (rolls up his sleeves and waves his hands around) One, three, two, bippity-boppity BOO!!!
(The window magically opens. Whispering stops.)
Jesus: Alright guys, we’re in, come on!
(All the guys enter the room. Jesus starts playing with the Legos, Gandhi starts playing with GI Joes, and Buddha sits on the sleeping mat and meditates. After a while, a little boy enters the room. All the guys get startled.)
Boy: Who are you guys? Mommy!
Jesus: No, no, kid, it’s me, Jesus.
Boy (excitedly): Jesus?
Jesus: Yea, it’s me. Just look at my hair and robe. These are my friends Gandhi and Buddha, and we’re gonna need you t-
(Buddha then smashes a lamp over the kids head.)
Jesus: What the fuck, Buddha?!?!
Buddha (nervously): I don’t know I panicked!
Jesus (checks the boys pulse): Awwwww, me, he’s dead!
Gandhi: Dead!?
Jesus (franticly): Oh my dad! Oh my dad! Oh my dad! What do we do?! What do we do?!
Boy’s mother (from another room): Timmy, is everything ok? I hear voices.
Jesus (imitating the boy’s voice): Uhhhh, nothing mom, just playing. . . . . . . . .marbles.
Buddha: Marbles?
Jesus: I don’t know, it’s all I could think of.
Boy’s mother: Timmy, is everything alright up there?
Jesus (boy’s voice): Yes, mother, everything’s fine! (normal voice) Oh my dad, guys, what should we do?
(Short pause)
Gandhi: Check his pockets.
Jesus: What?!
Gandhi: I dunno, we might as well.
Jesus:. . . . . . . . . .Ok, Gandhi you check his front pockets, I’ll get the back, Buddha you get his gay little pocket protector.
Gandhi and Buddha: Right.
(The guys check the boy’s pocket)
Jesus: Aww, two bucks? Guys what’d you get?
Gandhi: Lint
Buddha: A piece of Bubble-Yum.
Jesus: Damn, well that hardly seems worth it.
Boy’s mother: That’s it Timmy, I’m coming up there!
Jesus: Yea, we should leave.
Gandhi and Buddha: Right.
(The guys frantically climb out the window.)
THE END
I know, I posted my first one in the Promo forum but it doesn’t look like too many people comment in there. This does technically count for “general” though.
agreed. the retort is valid. in response to that. I will beg you (anyone) to go watch one of my vids.
it’s original, weird, funny sketch comedy. and no one has seen it. please watch one. I have 3 videos. rate comment, love, hate.
please.
Crib notes!
bossman said:
Sup again guys, I just finished my second comedy short. About the ending, I didn’t end it like that to be lazy, I wanted a Whitest Kids U Know-esque ending. Any feedback much appreciated.
Jesus N’ Gang’s Tragic Mishap By: Jace Boss
(Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi are sitting on a couch. Jesus is playing Super Mario Bros. while Buddha and Gandhi sit bored.) NOTE: Buddha, of course, has a stereotypical, Indian store clerk, “Sank you, come again.” accent.
Jesus: Yea! Yea!!! What now King Koopa? Oh! Oh!! BAM!!! Turtle-shelled yo punk ass!!! Woooo!!! Yeeeeea!!! I am a BEAST at Mario! Bowser aint got shit on ol’ JC baby, woooo!
(Buddha and Gandhi give a bored look to each other. Jesus notices.)
Jesus: What’s up guys, y’all look bored.
Gandhi: Of course we’re bored, all we’ve done all day is watch you play Mario.
Jesus: Buddha, you bored too?
Buddha: Oh yes, very, very much so.
Jesus: Oh. . . . . .well, what do you want to do?
Gandhi: Bring peace to the world.
Buddha: Meditate under a tree, very much.
Jesus: Hmmmmm. . . . . .could you think of something not totally gay, hehehehe.
Gandhi: Come on man, don’t tease.
Jesus: Alright, alright, well we can come up with something a little better than peace-bringing and tree-sitting. . . . . . . . . . . . .I got it!!! Wanna do some shots?
Buddha: I can’t Jesus, that would separate me from my Noble Eightfold Path.
Jesus (staring at Buddha blankly): Alright, you’re out. Gandhi, you wanna get crunk?
Gandhi (agitated): No, Jesus.
Jesus: Ahhh, whatever, you’d probably shrivel up anyway. Well you guys are the bored ones. I mean I’m cool with playing Mario for the rest of the night.
(A short silence ensues)
Jesus: I got it!!! Let’s break into some kid’s room and play with his toys! Gandhi and Buddha: NO!!!
Jesus: Awwww, come on guys. (Jesus gets somber) Listen guys, I never really had a childhood and. . . . .I guess I just wanna do some kid stuff. I mean, why do you think I’ve been playing Mario all day?
Gandhi: Yea about that Jesus, what was your childhood like? I’ve read the Bible and that part seems to be missing.
Jesus (almost nervously): Oh, it was just this thing, you know? I met this chick named Mary, smokin’ hot by the way, and some uhhhh. . . . .some stuff happened. We ran off together and. . . . . . . .I dunno, there was the night life, and then I had kids, and then there was something about a restraining order or something, I dunno man, peyote’s a hell of a drug. But anyway, my point is I didn’t have a normal childhood so, I mean can’t we just go play with some kid’s Legos or something?
Buddha: I don’t know, Jesus, this sounds wrong, very much.
Jesus: Oh come on Buddha, you can’t tell me that you had a normal childhood either.
Buddha: . . . . . . .Well, come to think of it I didn’t. I was a prince as a child then I spent most of my young adulthood under a tree.
Jesus: See? Some good, old fashioned child’s play might do us some good. Gandhi, what do you think?
Gandhi:. . . . . .Well, maybe if we find a kid with GI Joe’s.
Jesus: Yea, yea, sure. Soooooo. . . . .we doing this or what?
(Gandhi and Buddha look at each other)
Gandhi and Buddha: Ok, sure.
Jesus: Alright, let’s go.
(Cut to the guys peeking through a window into a kid’s room. All the dialogue is whispered.)
Jesus: What do you think guys? This room’s pretty tight, right?
Buddha: I don’t think we should be doing this, Jesus.
Jesus: Come on, Buddha, we came all this way and we’re not gonna back out.
Gandhi: Oh cool, GI Joes.
Jesus (to Buddha): See man, this room’s perfect. GI Joes, I think I see a whole box full of Legos over there, and there’s a little mat for you to meditate on.
Buddha: That’s a sleeping mat, Jesus, which means this child is very, very young. He’s probably in pre-school. No, I can’t do this.
Jesus: Dad dammit, Buddha! You’re not backing out, we’re not backing out, we’re doing this! Buck up for my’s sake!
Buddha: Ok. . . . . . .ok, let’s do it, very much.
Jesus: Alright guys, stand back. (rolls up his sleeves and waves his hands around) One, three, two, bippity-boppity BOO!!!
(The window magically opens. Whispering stops.)
Jesus: Alright guys, we’re in, come on!
(All the guys enter the room. Jesus starts playing with the Legos, Gandhi starts playing with GI Joes, and Buddha sits on the sleeping mat and meditates. After a while, a little boy enters the room. All the guys get startled.)
Boy: Who are you guys? Mommy!
Jesus: No, no, kid, it’s me, Jesus.
Boy (excitedly): Jesus?
Jesus: Yea, it’s me. Just look at my hair and robe. These are my friends Gandhi and Buddha, and we’re gonna need you t-
(Buddha then smashes a lamp over the kids head.)
Jesus: What the fuck, Buddha?!?!
Buddha (nervously): I don’t know I panicked!
Jesus (checks the boys pulse): Awwwww, me, he’s dead!
Gandhi: Dead!?
Jesus (franticly): Oh my dad! Oh my dad! Oh my dad! What do we do?! What do we do?!
Boy’s mother (from another room): Timmy, is everything ok? I hear voices.
Jesus (imitating the boy’s voice): Uhhhh, nothing mom, just playing. . . . . . . . .marbles.
Buddha: Marbles?
Jesus: I don’t know, it’s all I could think of.
Boy’s mother: Timmy, is everything alright up there?
Jesus (boy’s voice): Yes, mother, everything’s fine! (normal voice) Oh my dad, guys, what should we do?
(Short pause)
Gandhi: Check his pockets.
Jesus: What?!
Gandhi: I dunno, we might as well.
Jesus:. . . . . . . . . .Ok, Gandhi you check his front pockets, I’ll get the back, Buddha you get his gay little pocket protector.
Gandhi and Buddha: Right.
(The guys check the boy’s pocket)
Jesus: Aww, two bucks? Guys what’d you get?
Gandhi: Lint
Buddha: A piece of Bubble-Yum.
Jesus: Damn, well that hardly seems worth it.
Boy’s mother: That’s it Timmy, I’m coming up there!
Jesus: Yea, we should leave.
Gandhi and Buddha: Right.
(The guys frantically climb out the window.)
THE END
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