Great one-liners

When I die I’m going to leave my body to science fiction (Steven Wright)

I’d be a shitty mechanic, because if someone said to me : “My car won’t start”, I’d say : “Well, maybe there is a killer after you” (Mitch Hedberg)

From “Young Frankenstein”:

Gene Wilder: “Are you sure you got the right brain?” Marty Feldman:”YES, of course, it belonged to Abby Normal!”

BaronOfLaughter said:

When I die I’m going to leave my body to science fiction (Steven Wright)

I’d be a shitty mechanic, because if someone said to me : “My car won’t start”, I’d say : “Well, maybe there is a killer after you” (Mitch Hedberg)

(taken out of context)

“Hitler had the right idea, he was just an underachiever.” – Bill Hicks

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, and I said : “No, but I want a regular banana later, so yeah !” (Mitch Hedberg)

I’ve come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum (Roddy Piper in They Live)

( sung ) Old Macdonald was dislexic. A E O I U!! – Billy Connolly

The film crew could give the kid a sandwich (Sam Kinison)

“Simpson, you diabolical genius” (beekeeper) “bees-are-on-the-what-now?” (Homer simpson)