"Caption Haters" from Nickylip

From: Nickylip Date: Jun 10, 2008 04:27 PM Subject: Haters…

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This website pisses me off… Every one of the unfunny, unoriginal doosh bags who click “die” on every one else’s comments just so they can rub their balls while they watch their own unfunny, unclever, uninspired and usually homosexuality laced comment float to the top with 2 funny and 12 die votes is depressing. They need to take a quick break from helping mom with the chores so she doesn’t kick them out of the basement again and go find a fucking job, and maybe even a real life friend. I find that actually interacting with other people is a fantastic way to form a real personality instead of stealing jokes from Beavis and Butthead reruns and creepily comedic porn sites. Not to mention their fucking wrists need more of a break from their marathon internet porn masturbation sessions than 3 minutes of pushing “die” 237 times can provide. When carpal tunnel and arthritis start to kick in and they have to say goodbye to internet porn and start humping the armrest or chasing whiskers around with their pants around their waist, we will be there. When they are finally banned from the last internet dating site that would allow them because they realize that the doosh bags have nothing to offer to a woman, a man, a dog or even a small marsupial, we will be there. When their mom finally kicks them out of that basement and they have to go sleep behind jack in the box and hope that this is finally their day that someone will throw away an Ultimate Cheesburger before finishing it, we will be there. When they sadly look up at us as we walk by and can only dream of times when they had the power to hate on 300+ people in one hour, and finish it off with a bottle of Lubriderm and a visit to seniorcitizensex.com, we will be there. We will be there and we will brand a big fat FUNNY in the middle of their forehead… and we will brand a big fat NOW DIE right below it. I can’t wait…

I could see Dr. Perry Cox saying something like this to John Dorian. The statement is true. It inspired the shit right outa me. Literally.

You have inspired the dogsnot outta me!!

It sucks when you see some of the funniest comments with more “die” than “funny”. There seems to be an extremely tough panel of critics here. I think that the “die” button should be saved for those comments which are just lame and make you feel like an idiot for having read them. If you read something and it doesn’t make you laugh, you don’t have to give it a negative mark…you can just leave it the fuck alone!

JohnLip said:

From: Nickylip Date: Jun 10, 2008 04:27 PM Subject: Haters…

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This website pisses me off… Every one of the unfunny, unoriginal doosh bags who click “die” on every one else’s comments just so they can rub their balls while they watch their own unfunny, unclever, uninspired and usually homosexuality laced comment float to the top with 2 funny and 12 die votes is depressing. They need to take a quick break from helping mom with the chores so she doesn’t kick them out of the basement again and go find a fucking job, and maybe even a real life friend. I find that actually interacting with other people is a fantastic way to form a real personality instead of stealing jokes from Beavis and Butthead reruns and creepily comedic porn sites. Not to mention their fucking wrists need more of a break from their marathon internet porn masturbation sessions than 3 minutes of pushing “die” 237 times can provide. When carpal tunnel and arthritis start to kick in and they have to say goodbye to internet porn and start humping the armrest or chasing whiskers around with their pants around their waist, we will be there. When they are finally banned from the last internet dating site that would allow them because they realize that the doosh bags have nothing to offer to a woman, a man, a dog or even a small marsupial, we will be there. When their mom finally kicks them out of that basement and they have to go sleep behind jack in the box and hope that this is finally their day that someone will throw away an Ultimate Cheesburger before finishing it, we will be there. When they sadly look up at us as we walk by and can only dream of times when they had the power to hate on 300+ people in one hour, and finish it off with a bottle of Lubriderm and a visit to seniorcitizensex.com, we will be there. We will be there and we will brand a big fat FUNNY in the middle of their forehead… and we will brand a big fat NOW DIE right below it. I can’t wait…

they should just take the die button off completely. that would be the only way to truly vote. you’re not allowed to click die for other candidates you don’t want elected are you? wait…that gives me an idea.

JohnLip said:

From: Nickylip Date: Jun 10, 2008 04:27 PM Subject: Haters…

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This website pisses me off… Every one of the unfunny, unoriginal doosh bags who click “die” on every one else’s comments just so they can rub their balls while they watch their own unfunny, unclever, uninspired and usually homosexuality laced comment float to the top with 2 funny and 12 die votes is depressing. They need to take a quick break from helping mom with the chores so she doesn’t kick them out of the basement again and go find a fucking job, and maybe even a real life friend. I find that actually interacting with other people is a fantastic way to form a real personality instead of stealing jokes from Beavis and Butthead reruns and creepily comedic porn sites. Not to mention their fucking wrists need more of a break from their marathon internet porn masturbation sessions than 3 minutes of pushing “die” 237 times can provide. When carpal tunnel and arthritis start to kick in and they have to say goodbye to internet porn and start humping the armrest or chasing whiskers around with their pants around their waist, we will be there. When they are finally banned from the last internet dating site that would allow them because they realize that the doosh bags have nothing to offer to a woman, a man, a dog or even a small marsupial, we will be there. When their mom finally kicks them out of that basement and they have to go sleep behind jack in the box and hope that this is finally their day that someone will throw away an Ultimate Cheesburger before finishing it, we will be there. When they sadly look up at us as we walk by and can only dream of times when they had the power to hate on 300+ people in one hour, and finish it off with a bottle of Lubriderm and a visit to seniorcitizensex.com, we will be there. We will be there and we will brand a big fat FUNNY in the middle of their forehead… and we will brand a big fat NOW DIE right below it. I can’t wait…

.

Good Lord, Johnny! Do you feel better now? You didn’t kick your dog during that rant, did you? I agree with you 100% that there are TONS of funny captions on this site that are unfairly “killed” by the ever popular die button, and the uncreative, douche bags that don’t actually read the captions shouldn’t feel the need to click die 237 times to make themselves feel better after just having had their underwear ripped up their ass crack at school, but it’s going to happen regardless of what we say. The douche bags are alive and well on this site, and they love nothing more (besides Beavis and Butthead reruns, and senior citizen porn, of course) than trying to make the rest of us feel as worthless and uncreative as they do. Trying to talk sense to them is probably a waste of time, but I applaud your effort, sir!!! Well said!!!

Well said to you as well sir, and no, my dog head butted my boot. It wasnt me who stated this passage that will live on forever on FOD and in our hearts, it was NickyLip. A brave man who wasnt affraid to say “Give me Funny, or Give me Death.” I just passed it along after he sent it to me.

Agreed – I wish there was just the “Funny” option – the “Die” spammers can eat the peanuts out of my shit.

I did send an email to the site asking how the winner is selected because I noticed that not all the time does the highest ratio of funny to die win. One of the administrators wrote back and said that the staff picks the winner, it doesn’t necessarily go by score.

ur prolly just not funny

deal with it

whats worse being the people u described, or posting a paragraph long rant that no one cares about

get a life

your not funny, ot everybody is

poop!

What is this a fuckin haiku? Listen “large” you cared enough to waste 9 seconds of crucial “scrub brush up my ass while i finger my sister” time out of your day to tell me im not funny so you tell me whats worse, NOT being able to accomplish the very pedestrian act of spelling NOT, or a grown person that has the sense of punctuation and spelling equivalent to a 8yr old Rwandan immagrant? If you even need to ask if writing an essay is worse then being what NICKYLIP described, then, well…. Ill see you at the drive-thru, and I rarely dont finish a meal. I just looked at what you have said and it turns out I would rather listen to the Rwandan tell jokes too, Smalls.

Im glad my girl Goat got the message. You sound wise and much-knowing.

couple things: the FOD staff chooses caption contest winners and does not do it based on funny/die votes because we know there are some serious haters. so keep posting.

unrelated: the lakers winning one game does not a championship make. go celtics.

I agree completely. Initially when I started submitting captions, I was pretty surprised that so many captions had an unrealistic amount of die votes. But I was even more surprised that the funniest, while having a high number of funny votes, had just as many, if not more die votes. It’s pretty sad when people feel the need to try and bump what are truly the funniest captions down the list just so their own two cents, which usually sucks anyway, can be counted.

I’ll generally only click the funny button when reading through the submissions, but clearly other people have a different plan. It’s like they go through every single caption clicking die on every one before posting their own. Awesome. Anyway, thanks JohnLip and/or NickyLip for bringing it up.

I got a lap dance from a girl named Rowanda once…she was older than 8 though and I’m pretty sure she was a citizen

JohnLip said:

What is this a fuckin haiku? Listen “large” you cared enough to waste 9 seconds of crucial “scrub brush up my ass while i finger my sister” time out of your day to tell me im not funny so you tell me whats worse, NOT being able to accomplish the very pedestrian act of spelling NOT, or a grown person that has the sense of punctuation and spelling equivalent to a 8yr old Rowandan immagrant? If you even need to ask if writing an essay is worse then being what NICKYLIP described, then, well…. Ill see you at the drive-thru, and I rarely dont finish a meal. I just looked at what you have said and it turns out I would rather listen to the Rowandan tell jokes too, Smalls.

I like my way better, they should change it. Thats almost as stupid as spelling funny with an E instead of a Y.

nilmahj said:

they should just take the die button off completely. that would be the only way to truly vote. you’re not allowed to click die for other candidates you don’t want elected are you? wait…that gives me an idea.

i totally agree, removing the die button would make it a lot better, that way you dont have people voting DIE on every caption but their own… hopefully someone from FunnyorDie will see this and change it up

I totally agree and really make a point to acknowledge my brothers and sisters with some props if they deserve it. I actually don’t hit the die button too much because if I did I would be here all day. 90% of the captions suck. I lost out the other day and might have won if I hadn’t clicked funny on the people thathad a count close to mine, but that’s what you do. Give props and get props,but don’t be a douche bag hater…

Wow, JohnLip… I have to thank you for spreading my rant to the masses. I see mr. “large” scurried out of your post pretty quickly when he couldn’t find the DIE button. It’s nice for one of the dooshes I was talking about to walk in and do a real live demonstration for us. We will be there “large” we will be there…

Who is this enigmatic Mr Large you refer to?

He is the 9th post… if you’d like to take a quick little peek into his life, where he has been and where he is undoubtedly going, reference the blog post. He was most likely wandering around looking for someone or something to hate on when he found this room. His comment is jumbled because he isn’t used to putting his haterism into actual words, he usually expresses it with hundreds of machine gun like clicks on the “die” button.

No problem. This little piece came across my desk yesterday afternoon. After reading it, I held the document firmly to my chest and with a single tear in my eye I thought to myself, “The world needs to see this.”

I’m not a big fan of the “Die” button myself, and I’ll hardly ever use it. Hell, most of my ideas get “Die” bombed anyway. And I think I used “Funny” for most of the captions with the two wrestlers (my personal favorite “We form Voltron” didn’t get a lot of votes). But “Die” does weed out the ones that are overused (I’d say about a third of the captions involve Garfield, another third, ‘fat pussy’). Most of the time though, general unfunny ones, I leave alone.

Ryan George said:

nilmahj said:

they should just take the die button off completely. that would be the only way to truly vote. you’re not allowed to click die for other candidates you don’t want elected are you? wait…that gives me an idea.

i totally agree, removing the die button would make it a lot better, that way you dont have people voting DIE on every caption but their own… hopefully someone from FunnyorDie will see this and change it up

agreed. it’s fine to be able to vote “funny” or “die” with the videos because people aren’t competing for anything. you may still get occasional haters, but at least the vast majority of voters are honest. once you turn it into a competition though, where “there can be only one highlander”, that’s when people feel the need to start shitting on everyone but themselves.

...i shit on myself once, but it was on a dare.