I need twitter followers.

I served 2 months in Iraq. One day I saw someone yank a three year old's spine out of his back and use it as a small flag pole- I was like "That's enough of that." Went... more >

I need twitter followers.

I served 2 months in Iraq. One day I saw someone yank a three year old's spine out of his back and use it as a small flag pole- I was like "That's enough of that." Went Awol and was busted before I got past the latrines. The commanding officer, officer Skylark, sent me on a suicide mission. Unfortunately for him I managed to get into the fortified mosque of Lamar Salvatore and through a series of clumsy mishaps found the stash of anthrax that Salvatore and his gang of Sheiks were hiding underneath an ancient statue. Along the way I learned that other cultures and religions aren't bad, but greed is what's destroying the world.

When I got back to the base I interrupted a speech Officer Skylark was giving at an awards ceremony for George Bush by playing a recording of Officer Skylark making a deal with Ben Laden. Turns out Skylark never expected me to get the anthrax. He sent me on the mission to kill me. Skylark was arrested and I was allowed to leave the marines.

Now I make videos with my friends and upload them to the internet. I've also started a detective agency and just got my first big case- seems that someone's been stealing chihuahuas from the local pet boutique and a very beautiful high class lady, who I could never be anything more than a friend to, wants me to find out whose behind the thefts. She says if I can return the missing chihuahuas she will give me $10,000 dollars which happens to be the exact amount of money I need to stop construction on the lot the local kids I coach have been using for baseball practice. It also happens to be the amount of money that my selfish, angry girlfriend, who wants me to be a doctor, expects me to spend on her wedding ring. Looks like I'll have an important decision to make if I solve this case. I hope I learn that it's better to be true to yourself than to act like someone different just to get a girl to like you. < less