Dear Cyberspace,
First of all I'm sorry about my last letter. It was childish and mean. But you have to admit, not writing me back is kinda of rude. It's just that I put myself out on the line admitting I liked you and I've gotten nothing in return.
You could at least write back just to tell me you don't feel the same way. I'll take anything. Even if it's from your assisstant.
WAIT!
No. Don't do that. I'd rather live with the heart twisitng possibility that you might feel the same way than actually knowing you don't like me. I don't think I have the tools to deal with that. I'm already feeling fragile just thinking about it.
But really, what's not to like? I mean I am a little rough around the edges these days, but that's what abusive non-response can do. I'm alot of fun to be around when I'm not contemplating suicide. Ask my therapist. I tell her all the time.
Well, the gigabyte is in your hard drive now. I'll leave it up to you.
Remember, I'll always have your back-up,
xo
Drew
Dear Cyberspace,
I bet you've been wondering where I've been.
It's been a while since I've written, but you know that...don't you.
How does it feel to be neglected? Not very good, huh?
I didn't hear from you after my last letter, so I decided to take the bull by the horns and go south...south of the equator to Brazil. Sure it was for business to help get the Funny or Die, Brazil site going, but I also had a great time. This photo proves it:
The Brazilians rushed me to the hospital to get my heart started again, but the barbequed meat plate with a hunk of fried cheese was worth the cardiac arrests...every life threatening second of them.
So next time you fail to respond to my letters, just know that I might be unconcious or dead in a back alley somewhere in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
I still love you, Cyberspace.
Drew
Dear Cyberspace,
I hope this letter finds you well. I've been thinking about you lately...a lot. I'm a little embarrassed that it's taken me so long to write. I see you everyday and want to talk to you, but I guess I'm just really shy.
I hope you see this letter as a demonnstration of my strength and courage to overcome my weaknesses.
So here it goes...(deep breathe):
Will you go out with me?
If you check 'maybe', please let me know as soon as you can because I already bought tickets to Spamalot and they're non-refundable. If you check 'no'...well, I'm not even going to think about that.
I look forward to your reply.
Thinking of you always,
Drew
P.S. If you check 'yes', I promise not to just use you and then walk away. I'm ready to commit. Kind of like that movie TRON...I want to get inside of you...
