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Scoops McGillicuddy

i'm awesome...obviously.

Scoops McGillicuddy
Scoops McGillicuddy Scoops McGillicuddy

who's got 2 thumbs and is a tiger in the sack? this gal! pppphhhhfffttttt anyhoo...ok...so today i wake up completely hungover with little elves hammering away at the inside of my head and my stomach churning from some sort of cheap hooch and i truly feel like the most pathetic being on the planet. i get in the shower which has lost virtually all water pressure for some reason. i think back upon the previous evening's poor decision-making in which i ignored the voices in my head telling me to go home at a respectable hour, preferring instead to stay until the bitter end....huhhhhhhhh and as i stand under this little trickle of a lukewarm shower, a dark sense of gloom settles over me. some sort of regretful shadowy feeling. i think, what the HELL did i do last night? did i make out with a handsome and/or geek total stranger in some dark booth or in the ladies room? no. (dang) did i dance on the bar? no, no that's not it. (dang dang) did i drunk dial an ex? oh shit, no it's worse. i drunk POSTED a ZILLION strange men on CL's women seeking men. shit. shit. now i will have an inbox full of dick pics and notes from lascivious stalkers...and what if i didn't spell check?? the spelling and grammar perfectionists will have at me next. and wait.. what exactly did i write? oh god, i didn't reveal my long and agonizing stint of celibacy did i? how will i get to work in time to destroy all of the computers because i know my coworkers read CL all day. surely they will know it was me. i'm packing my bags because now i need to change my identity and move out of the country.