I'm not really too concerned about Swine Flu, but one has to wonder about this point:
Three years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow... Mad Cow Disease.
Two years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird... Avian Flu.
This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig... Swine Flu.
Next year is the year of the cock... Er, uh... Anybody besides me worried?
chadder
"i do what the voices in my WIFE'S head
tell me to do..."
ok.
this morning, after i finished getting dressed, i took my first bite of banana, chewed it about 3 times, when suddenly a sneeze rushed upon me with such violence, i slid the couch forward about 6 inches and still haven't found the cat.
and even though i covered my mouth with my hand, i STILL had to change my clothes.
semi-chewed banana and snot look an awful lot alike...
S.H.I.T. - Sure Happy It's Thursday!
(p.s. yes, i know i'm supposed to sneeze into my "elbow pit", but could you image the mess that would have made?)
ok.
this morning, after i finished getting dressed, i took my first bite of banana, chewed it about 3 times, when suddenly a sneeze rushed upon me with such violence, i slid the couch forward about 6 inches and still haven't found the cat.
and even though i covered my mouth with my hand, i STILL had to change my clothes.
semi-chewed banana and snot look an awful lot alike...
S.H.I.T. - Sure Happy It's Thursday!
(p.s. yes, i know i'm supposed to sneeze into my "elbow pit", but could you image the mess that would have made?)
ok.
this morning, after i finished getting dressed, i took my first bite of banana, chewed it about 3 times, when suddenly a sneeze rushed upon me with such violence, i slid the couch forward about 6 inches and still haven't found the cat.
and even though i covered my mouth with my hand, i STILL had to change my clothes.
semi-chewed banana and snot look an awful lot alike...S.H.I.T. - Sure Happy It's Thursday!
(p.s. yes, i know i'm supposed to sneeze into my "elbow pit", but could you image the mess that would have made?)
here's a little story from my past.
ive not always been the upstanding pillar of society that i am now. in fact, i've spent most of my adult life as an outlaw. i've always tried to be righteous in my when it comes to others, but society didn't always see things my way.
i've seen the inside of a jail cell a time or two. this story comes from one of those times.
i had been arrested for one thing or another. and in the course of searching me to admit me, a female officer was rifling through my wallet, looking for incriminating contraband, no doubt.
"hey! i think i have a 'get out of jail free card' in there.", i said.
the office started laughing and holding up the card, said, "HE DOES!"
the whole room full of jail employees erupted in laughter.
the card didn't work...
This one is for my buddy ClayJunkie...
i decided to take an interim class for two weeks before summer classes start. checking the registration site, the only thing that peeked my interest was art appreciation. i thought,"how hard could it be? 'yeah, i like that...that looks like shit...that's o.k.'"
well...i'm cramming a 15 week course into two weeks. 6 tests, one final and...A FINAL!
ok, ok...maybe i didn't think this through...not entirely strange ground for me. i'm actually doing quite well. i've always had an interest in art...no talent...but interest.
at any rate, i think my 4.0 GPA is safe...(ok, that was outright bragging...but hey, i'm gonna make the paper for something GOOD this time!
i've had an idea for some photography project in my mind, so this gave me the opportunity to use it. i shot probably 200 pictures, cut them down to 2 contact sheets of 35, then picked three to use.
i started printing...then ran out of ink. loaded the printer with new ink, and started the printing anew. at the end of printing the three pictures out on four 8x10 panels (each) my printer informed me that i was, again, out of ink...$31.95...nice.
after cutting my art board down and masking the layout, i sprayed the back of the panels and stuck them on the art board...then i realised that i masked the layout on the WRONG side of the mark. only on 2 of the pics...
after throwing a sizable tantrum, brenni (my beautiful wife) calmed me down and in her sweet, innocent voice said,"can't you just cut the wide side down?"
humility tastes funny...
well, clay, here they are. and i'm looking forward to seeing what everyone thinks they are. when i showed brenni and the boys, they all asked the same question. "what the hell is that?"
my 5 minute presentation turned into a 20 minute question and discussion session...much like this blog was gonna be: ok, clay, here's my project!
guess i can ramble...
chadder
"once a king, always a king,
but once a night is never enough..."
i decided to take an interim class for two weeks before summer classes start. checking the registration site, the only thing that peeked my interest was art appreciation. i thought,"how hard could it be? 'yeah, i like that...that looks like shit...that's o.k.'"
well...i'm cramming a 15 week course into two weeks. 6 tests, one final and...A FINAL!
ok, ok...maybe i didn't think this through...not entirely strange ground for me. i'm actually doing quite well. i've always had an interest in art...no talent...but interest.
at any rate, i think my 4.0 GPA is safe...(ok, that was outright bragging...but hey, i'm gonna make the paper for something GOOD this time!
i've had an idea for some photography project in my mind, so this gave me the opportunity to use it. i shot probably 200 pictures, cut them down to 2 contact sheets of 35, then picked three to use.
i started printing...then ran out of ink. loaded the printer with new ink, and started the printing anew. at the end of printing the three pictures out on four 8x10 panels (each) my printer informed me that i was, again, out of ink...$31.95...nice.
after cutting my art board down and masking the layout, i sprayed the back of the panels and stuck them on the art board...then i realised that i masked the layout on the WRONG side of the mark. only on 2 of the pics...
after throwing a sizable tantrum, brenni (my beautiful wife) calmed me down and in her sweet, innocent voice said,"can't you just cut the wide side down?"
humility tastes funny...
well, clay, here they are. and i'm looking forward to seeing what everyone thinks they are. when i showed brenni and the boys, they all asked the same question. "what the hell is that?"
my 5 minute presentation turned into a 20 minute question and discussion session...much like this blog was gonna be: ok, clay, here's my project!
guess i can ramble...
chadder
"once a king, always a king,
but once a night is never enough..."
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
Are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
Dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
A pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
You began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
Practicing law.
Are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
Dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you
like to rephrase that?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
A pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
You began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
Practicing law.
i hate snow...no, really. i hate snow. but this is for mpg79. proof i'd do almost anything for my friends.
so here you go michelle: SNOW!
this is a good size pile brenni (my beautiful wife) and i found by our house.
my camaro is literally helpless in the snow. 1/2 inch of snow on the pavement, and all she does is spin...
so there it is, my michelle, and if you want the feel of snow, stick your hands in the freezer for a couple of minutes and they should be wet and cold enough to rival the real thing.
did i mention that i hate snow?
chadder
"if you can smile when things go wrong,
you probably have someone in mind to blame..."
p.s. a special thank you to brenni (my beautiful wife) for braving the cold to help take pics!
so here you go michelle: SNOW!
this is a good size pile brenni (my beautiful wife) and i found by our house.
my camaro is literally helpless in the snow. 1/2 inch of snow on the pavement, and all she does is spin...
so there it is, my michelle, and if you want the feel of snow, stick your hands in the freezer for a couple of minutes and they should be wet and cold enough to rival the real thing.
did i mention that i hate snow?
chadder
"if you can smile when things go wrong,
you probably have someone in mind to blame..."
p.s. a special thank you to brenni (my beautiful wife) for braving the cold to help take pics!
