"Cat got your tongue? Unfairly neutered? I can help. Winky Salzberg....Attorney-at-law."

“Cat got your tongue? Unfairly neutered? I can help. Winky Salzberg….Attorney-at-law.”

The inside of Paris Hilton’s handbag was surprisingly roomy & stylishly furnished

So when they approached me to do Men In Black III, I had to say no. I mean, I don’t want to be typecast. I’ve got range. Anything from licking myself in front of company to taking a dump where I’m not supposed to. I’m a classy guy….I’m sorry, are you gonna eat that cat turd?

I’ve also got a matching desk and itty bitty post-it notes for him! Nope, I’ve never married. Why do you ask?

“off my fat ass?” well when I married you, you were 18 pounds and could chase a ball for hours. Now you just wallow around licking your 12 puffy nipples…My fat ass…you got some nerve bitch…some nerve..now get my motherfucking pigs ear.

With slowing sales Playboy tries appealing to a wider audience.

Oh, I took your favorite chair, did I? Well you took my BALLS, asshole.

“The Bark-a-lounger”

Suddenly they realized what a smart-ass the dog was when they told him to “sit”!

That’s when Terry realized he was way too fuckin’ high to be at work.

It’s amazing how far up the corporate ladder the “peanut butter trick” will get you.

My name? You wanna know my name?!?! FUCK YOU! That’s my name!

Though he had gotten away with it, Mr. Jingles knew the screams of that woman would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Really, Doc? Penis envy? Is that all you can come up with? I pay you $350 an hour, she’s shacking up with the neighborhood Rottweiler, and all you can come up with is PENIS ENVY?

Someday, and that day may never come, I’ll call upon you to do a service for me. But, until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter’s wedding day.

About your childhood, let me give you my pugnosis.

Well, that foot stool turned out to be a waste of money.

Memo from the boss: This belly is not going to scratch itself.

and how does it make you feel when your father tells you that you’re not his son?

She said you’re gonna end up on the street, 10 years later I’m the proud owner of L-Dawgs:Living In Style for dogs.

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.

Yeah I grabbed her ass. She liked it. She’s my secretary. I’ll do what I want. Fuck that bitch.

It ain’t hard being George Bush.

This new IKEA “pug ottoman” makes licking my genitals a cinch!!

A dog sitting in a chair.