He would whisper sweet nothings into his own ear.

Daaaaamn Dude! That’s eerie!

talk to my arm not my hand!

Soon, I will be all ears!

Too bad hearing aids don’t come in three-packs.

They said the only side effect was projectile diarrhea!

You see Kids you can be whatever you want, I told mom I would be Mr. Potato Head when I grow up and I’ll be Damned if i not Hmmph!

In my formative years I used to love groping Gypsy women. It was totally worth it.

This is nothing compared to my ball sack that looks a lot like an eyeball?

“Wanna hear some crazy shit? Last week, it looked like the Virgin Mary! No shit! Had fuckers lined up for blocks trying to take pictures of this shit!”

dana white, ufc is so big, whats your secret?

“i hear dead people, WITH THISS!!”

Get it out Brendan Fraser!

“Oh, the ear? That’s nothing! Now this scar right here that I got while tuna fishing off the coast of Mexico, now there’s a story!”

Surround sound: Yer doin it wrong.

Tattoos are for pussies!

Unlike his unfortunate great-uncle Theo, artist Donny Van Gogh is ready for whatever fate has to offer.

Ear in aide.

“See, when I hold it up like this, it looks pretty weird, right? But when I hold my arms like THIS, it looks REALLY WEIRD!”

Back in the day, Jimmy would just tell people to “talk to the hand,” but old age was taking its toll.

So what does that asshole Doctor tell me? ‘Don’t worry, it’s just an ear infection!’

“The ear, nose & throat doctor said to see the arm doctor, but the arm doctor said to go to the ear, nose & throat doctor…”

He has to pretend he’s on the phone every time he wants to wear shades.

“You gotta help me, Doc! I can’t even jerk off without getting a migraine from the noise!”

First, it was pulling a quarter from behind my ear. Then it was playing “I got your nose.” One day, Uncle Jimmy went too far, and Grandma finally kicked him out of the house.

well, the mutton chops block my good ears so…