So I stopped into Barnes and Noble to take a shit and the weirdest thing happened: After dropping off Bill Cosby's dead kid at the pool, I stood up to wipe myself and to my surprise the toilet was EMPTY! I hadn't flushed and yet there was nothing but porcelain and H2O! Where did my poop go? I'm not a religious man, but this experience has made me question things. And also, why when I wash my clothes am I always left with less socks than I started out with? I have a feeling all this stuff is ending up somewhere in New Jersey.