Uh-oh!  How did my “Funny SNL Sketch Ideas!!” journal find its way onto the Internet?  WHO DID THIS??  Haha!  J.K.  I did!

I wanted everyone to know that while I may not have been in a ton of sketches I sure as shootin’ brought my signature “funny cause it’s true”/dark but with heart/acutely observational/she’s pretty and sometimes makes me laugh/silly but not stupid/bad-ass-she’s got a secret/oh no she didn’t! sensibility to the table my first 8 weeks on SNL. 

I’ll take you through my best pitches, host by host. 
I’ve also included some notes to self. * 

*My pitches didn’t make it to air because they were too edgy.

TINA FEY
I play a wacky OBGYN who fancies herself the “Liz Lemon” of her hospital and ultimately is soooo incredibly wacky, Tina can no longer sit through the exam.  She actually asks to see another doctor.  (Funny site gags with me in between her legs, maybe I do the “pee-eww, what smells?” gesture and fashion it into a visual catchphrase??!!)

ELLEN PAGE
Put your accents on parade by playing Ellen’s wacky mom.  She says, “M-oooom” with a funny lilt and I turn and mug to camera, which pushes in as I make a “what you see is what you get” face.   (I think that should happen a lot.  Maybe I could have a crazy burnt sienna wig that gets laughs before I even speak??)

AMY ADAMS
Amy plays Clay Aiken and I do a funny/sexy dance in the background???  (I hope Amy likes me.  Both Amy’s.)  

JONAH HILL
No ideas this week.  (WHERE’S YOUR PENELOPE WILSON?  GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER OVER THE BREAK.)

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN
Kristen and I do a funny two-hander where she sets ‘em up I knock ‘em down.  Figure out a way to shoehorn C.W. (hey!  same initials) in. (Politely ask Kristen to write something sassy yet relatable and have her give me a voice to start from.  Ask her to hang out???)

ASHTON KUTCHER
Pitch something Lorne can be in.  Find a way to make out with Andy in a sketch that seems wacky but I don’t look TOO wacky.

SHIA LABEOUF
Shia In-the-buff?
Shia plays a Jimmy Buffett/Shia hybrid called Shimmy LaBuffett?  (Fuck.  Who will I be in this??)

STEVE CARELL
Season Finale.   No concrete ideas.  Part of an update piece where I come out and play a wacky gal who gets ribbed by Seth and Amy in that delightfully familiar fashion we know and love??  (Have fun with that dynamic…be a part of things for once!!  Hug people tight during closing credits.  Show America (and Mr. Lorne) you belong up there.  Dance it out if no one is available to hug.)