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Nicol Paone's Blog: Rape is never funny...

 
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Nicol Paone

by Nicol Paone

Ok so after my post yesterday, a cousin of mine (distant - thank god) scolded me for calling Joe "The Plumber" a rapist, even though I immediately rescinded the comment and stated that I was only trying to prove a point.  She said that I was  ignorant to the tax policy of Obama and my rape reference was tasteless and needed to be cleaned up.   She also said that I needed to smarten up and grow up.  WOW!  I thought that I was to old to get scolded. After thinking about this for 1 minute, I decided that she was right; rape is never funny, that is why I created and new TV PILOT called RAPE COP.   Here's the preview I wrote:

RAPE COP - RAPING RAPISTS SINCE October 2008

2 people in a car.  One is RAPECOP (An attractive hot female cop) the other is a boring   detective no where near as attractive as RAPE COP is.

RAPE COP (WHO IS VERY ATTRACTIVE) -   You know what really bothers me?

DETECTIVE -  What?

RAPE COP -  RAPE....

VOICE OVER -  In the city of angels armed robbery is up 32%, murder up 55%,  but rape is down 100%!!!!  Because someone’s raping rapists!  And her name is RAPE COP. 

RAPE COP - RAPE COP!

INT: SERGENT’S OFFICE- SERGENT IS ON THE PHONE WITH THE MAYOR

MAYOR - Congratulations Sergent. Rape has officially been eliminated in the city of Los Angeles! 

SERGENT - Thank-you, Mr. Mayor!!

MAYOR - How did you do it?

SERGENT - With a little bit of hard work and cooperation from the department.

RAPE COP -  (Looking into the camera) RAPE COP!

Rape Cop is running, she starts to unbutton her shirt and then dives in the air.  She lands on some creepy guy in the park, maybe Joe the plumber. 

RAPE COP - Your time is up, rapy. She turns him over.

Screen to Black. 

GUY - WHAT???????Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

VOICEOVER - AND NOW IT’S HER TURN NOT TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

INT: SERGENT’S OFFICE - The Sergent is talking to the attractive RAPE COP 

SERGENT - This has gotten out of hand.  I am going to lose my job! This whole department will go down with you.  The whole city. 

RAPE COP - Do you think I like raping people?

SERGENT - Yes, I do.

RAPE COP - I don’t rape rapists because I like to, I do it because it’s my job.

SERGENT - You are in Homicide.

RAPE COP - THEN BE GLAD I AM NOT MURDERING MUDERISTS

SERGENT - I can’t cover your ass any longer You have to stop this NOW.

RAPE COP - What if I tell you I can’t and I won’t.

SERGENT - YOU CAN'T KEEP RAPING PEOPLE!

RAPE COP (YELLING) - YOU TELL THAT TO THE RAPISTS. 

Rapecop running again and we hear a lady scream.  Rapecop starts unbuttoning her pants. She busts in on a  very hot couple. 

GUY - What the hell?

RAPE COP - Rape is a crime.

GUY - This is my wife, it’s consensual.

WIFE: Yeah, Rape Cop.  It’s consensual.

RAPE COP: But is it good?

GUY - Yeah, kinda

WIFE - Ehh, yeah kinda.

CUT TO RAPE COP IN BED WITH THE HOT COUPLE.  VERY HOT COUPLE.

WIFE - Thanks, Rapecop!

GUY - Yeah, thanks Rapecop!

RAPE COP (Looking to camera) RAPE COP!

VOICE OVER - Now, you know her name and you know what she is capable of.

RAPE COP - Justice is in your blood. When you are pushed, raping is as easy a breathing. Live for nothing, but rape for something.  It’s your call! RAPECOP!!

CHIRON: COMING SOON TO A NETWORK NEAR YOU BECAUSE IT'S IN YOUR OWN HOME.

THANKS COUSIN!  ENJOY YOUR HIGH HORSE!

 

 

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Comments (7)

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finally, the masses are hearing about rape cop.

posted about 1 year ago · Report Spam
 

high horses are too fucked up to rape anyone. they just wanna eat & screw. longlive casual & tasteful rape rerferences!! --tarantino

posted about 1 year ago · Report Spam
 

I like to eat and screw, does that make me a high horse?

posted about 1 year ago · Report Spam
 

Maybe your cousin was on a Horse high, hee hee. Funny blog.

posted about 1 year ago · Report Spam
 

Rape isn't funny- but this is!

I love the 'you're in homicide' line.

Can't HBPO pick this up first?

posted about 1 year ago · Report Spam
 

uhhhhh, hmmm! ok. you might consider avoiding just going around labeling those with whom you disagree as 'rapists' - even if you're a democrat and they're a republican and you feel entitled. because in a nutshell, words actually mean things. rape means something.

sorry to rain on your comedy parade. but then again...

posted about 1 year ago · Report Spam
 

I would like to meet this cousin of yours and perhaps act out this rape cop fantasy. I figure if Obama the "Amerikenyan" gets in office, we are all going to get it in the ass anyway so I may as well prepare.

posted about 1 year ago · Report Spam