twonicus

sadly, i can't get this to format correctly after posting it, so i looks like one big paragraph. it's not, it's supposed to look like a conversation in a novel, but it doesn't. oh, well...

here is an example of the typical american customer that comes into my store.

(a short-ish, pudgy, almost 30 year old guy, wearing and all black sweat-suit, mint condition cross trainer shoes and a sparkling, new hiking backpack, walks through my open door, steps up to the glass case holding wine decanters, wallets, corkscrews, swiss army knives, ect.)

"good morning", i call out cheerfully to him from my seat behind the register. no response. i stare at him for a few seconds. "good morning, sir", i repeat. still, nothing. i look to see if he has headphones...nope, no good excuse i can see, maybe he's deaf. either way he doesn't want to talk to me so- "i wanna see this swiss knife" he demands suddenly. "sure, which one?", i ask. he stabs at the glass case with his index finger, "that one." there are five swiss army knives in the case, and i have no idea which one "that one" means, so i reply that he can see any knife he wants, and open the glass case. he considers the knives. "what's the difference between these two?" he asks, picking up a hardwood and a rosewood finished classic swiss army knife. "really", i answer, "the only difference is the outside finish, they have all the same tools." "so, what does that mean", he asks, shaking the less expensive knife at me,"that this one is gonna fall apart?" "no. it's a swiss army knife, i've never seen a cheap one fall apart, let alone a $100 knife" "what's that for?", he points to the tiny magnifying glass tool on the knife. "uhh, that's a magnifying glass", i respond, trying to remember that there are no stupid questions. he wipes his nose with his sleeve. "what's it for, starting fires or something?" now, let us just stop and consider what that says about this person. he could not recognize a magnifying glass in miniature form, first of all. and then when it was indentified for him, his first use for it is starting fires. maybe all men really do stop growing emotionally at age 12. i mean, what's he planning on doing, burning ants with the magnifying glass tool on a $100 swiss army knife? please. any way, back to my emotionally stunted friend... "what's it for, starting fires or something?" "sure", i respond hesitantly, "or looking at very small things" "that's stupid", he snorts. we stand in silence for a few seconds as he stares at the knives in his hand, he has an overabundance of saliva in his mouth, i can tell from the wet, smacking noises he makes when he breathes, "do each have the same tools inside?" he asks. "yes", i reply curtly. "then why does this one cost $30 more?" "because that one is rosewood and the other is hardwood, that is the only difference." he tosses the more expensive knife back into the glass case. it rattles around noisily and knocks over the display of wallets behind the swiss army knife display, which was ruined the minute i open the case for this guy. "gimme this one", he says, holding the $100, hardwood knife towards me, "and i'm in a hurry, so if you could move a little faster, that'd be great" i roll my eyes and turn slowly towards the register and take the three steps is takes to get there. the man throws his credit card on the counter at such an angle that it slides off and flies behind me into the wall. i turn to pick it up, but my customer shoves past me, "no! i got it!" he says angrily. i finish ringing him up and send him on his way.

i hope that was mildly entertaining. i just found out i have to be here for 12 hours today. so i'm gonna go cry a little.

oh, yeah,happy belated dead man walking(or rising into heaven, whatever floats your boat) day.

twon