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An American Blog: This Is Why the Rest of the World Hates Us: The Immaturity Gene
Michael Crichton's novel "Next" mentions the "immaturity gene," which makes me giddy with delight! Knowing I have this special gene helps me understand why I:
Drew a Hitler mustache on Officer Friendly, who is depicted on my car air freshener (and I did it while I was driving, which means I had to steer with my right knee while I was careering along at 55 miles per hour).
Ate a meal last night composed of beef jerky as the main course, a Hostess lemon pie as the "vegetable," and a frozen Ho Ho for dessert. And I don't like Ho Hos, so I had to wash it down with pink lemonade.
Stayed glued to a recent marathon of "The Hills," even though I am 47 years old and I detest the people who appear on it.
Talk to my parrots as if they are babies, and make up dumb names for them, like "Flock of Thugs" and "Sky Terrors."
Put off grown-ups' chores, like paying bills and cleaning, until the last possible minute.
Am fascinated by the concept of merkins, but have no actual need of one.
Love FOD. It's like hanging out with virtual brilliant and talented people. Who happen to enjoy fart jokes.
When my friend visited the other week, I told her I'd been practicing what to say to her 8-year-old, since I'm not usually around children. After a day or so, she told me I should probably practice what to say around adults.
Comments (26)
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Until I had a kid of my own, I never knew how to act around them. I was an only child, and grew up in the country. My dad was 48, mom 42, when I was born. I spent most of my childhood around adults. Add to that being an extreme, bookish introvert, and there you have it. So I haven't learned how to be a kid until recently. And goddamn, I'm loving it!
Oh, sorry Amy. You thought this was a fresh comment on your week old blog. It’s really a reminder to feed us a new one. They’re so nutritious!
I once got pulled over by Officer ‘Too Friendly’.
officer friendly IS hitler…
Can I join your club? I like all that stuff and laughing at words like fart and poop. :)
I Love your freaking mind. I agree with the last line though.
I friggin love you!
I love the last line and can realte.
No merkins were harmed in the making of this blog.
Here’s a happy thought; I bet there is someone at Google HQ right now, thinking, “why are some many people googling merkins all of a sudden?”
I am fascinated by the concept of munchkins too
I learned a new word!
http://www.merkinworld.com/
My God- what’s next?
Do they make them for guys too???
Lemon pies as veggies- that surpasses reagan’s ruling on ketchup!
I love your genes.
And according to your profile page we may all need merkins sometime in the near future. Thanks, Amy!
“What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”
Dave Barry
what are merkins going for these days?
I want a “Mary Tyler Moore” merkin….I might be perkier for it.
your dinner list was the cutest menu I’ve ever read…man, I adore you….
OR DID YOU MEAN MERKEN CHOCHOLATE
GUESS WHAT, I KNOW WHAT A MERKIN IS…. A PUBIC WIG, RIGHT.
Shit! Thx for reminding me. I have to watch the Hills from Monday. Nicole is PISSED that I’m not up to date w/the episodes!
Awesomest Blog Ever. I could never get sick of reading what you write!
Want to come over and play with my sidewalk chalk?
ho-hos and pink lemonade? hello, gag reflex!
You should never practice what to say to adults – they should deal with the mind vomit that comes out of you just fine ;-)
I have a small parrot myself, he likes to call the kitty then laugh at her…I think the immaturity gene isn’t limited to humans.
Talking to adults is very awkward!
Okay I’m back. Merkin googled. Um… wow.
I’m gonna go google merkin