A local Manitoba man is being heralded as a hero today when a man was decapitated on a greyhound bus, eaten and then had his head carried around like an idol. When asked, the murderer simply said "I told him not to lean on me. I distincly said that if he kept his head near me he was going to lose it." A passenger was also heard saying. "We all asked him to shut up, someone just made it happen" and yet another passenger was quoted "Man, there was this horrible smell that wafted from his ass, I hate him, I'm glad he's dead."

The murderer in question, known for his violent vigilanteism proceded to eat the deceased before attempting to steal the bus. Authorities stopped the man, and when asked why he would take to cannibalism, to which he replied "Well I didn't think he got the point after thirty four stabs, I really needed to show him how angry I was."

The medal ceremony will be held this week in winnipeg, proceded by the raising of a memorial statue. Some say this is street vigilanteism, but most maintain that this man is a hero and that it is every citizen's duty to teach people courtesy. No matter what you think, the new national holiday, Cut a Guy's Head off Day, is, as this man was overheard saying "The first holiday I feel is justified. I feel good taking today off work."

A friend of mine suggested that I add this line. This was actually a pretty shitty event, but hell if you can't laugh at stuff, what's the point right?