Ok we should just stay calm. There’s smoke in the hallway so there’s definitely a fire. We should just—the evacuation map! Where’s the evacuation plan? On the door! Ok, by the door. Well I knew it was near the door anyways. This red pathway leads to that exit—oh, but this looks like a more direct route… Oh shit. You’re right. I was looking at my office. Soooo Todd’s office is here, annnnd the path goes by my office, so I was right anyways—COUGH—If we go from your office, by the kitchen, then… That is the conference room. My mistake. Thats right the conference room has two doors and kitchen only has one. Ok right right. I guess I was thinking upside—COUGH COUGH—down so what I thought was your office is actually Tammy’s office. Weird. You guys have like bizarro-world offices. No because hers is—HOT!—oh, it’s getting hot!.. like, hers is the same as yours, only her door opens the other way… because its all symmetrical. But it’s the same size. I know yours feels bigger. She does have that big plant in that corner. I don’t know what it is, it must be a shade plant. You do get more sunlight on this side. I think that would bug me in the morning—AHHH SO HOT!—with the—COUGH—sun on your monitor. Oh so you just keep the shades drawn in the morning. That makes sense. Its funny, I would do that too, it’s just you don’t know until you have an office like this. Ok red path red path red path... is heeeere and follow toooooo… a star for the exit! Fire extinguisher. The star is a fire extinguisher. Ok never mind the star. FIRE! AH SHIT!—ahem. We go past the star and around the corner, and then it’s brownish and gooey. Yeah I know right, by Jamie’s desk! But she’s sweet if you get to know her. IT BURNS! OH GOD IT BURNS! WE’RE BURNING! Look at me. LOOK AT ME. Ok Todd listen, I need to talk. Well I guess I’ve just been thinking—OH FUCK MY LEGS—sorry, that I’ve been putting in some extra hours here and there, and I think I’m a take charge kind of—MY LUNGS ARE FUCKING MELTING!—sorry—COUGH WEEZE—sorry sorry, guy and well, can we talk about a raise? AHHHH! I know well I understand it’s tight but at least this can—AHHHH, AHHHH FUCKING HELL!—open up the lines of communication. What? No? NO?!?! UNHOLY MOTHER-FUCKING PAIN!—Ahhch!… Ok fuck you Todd. Fuck you and your office. I didn’t want it to come to this but—MY FUCKING SKIN, MY FUCKING SKIN IS MELTING!—shit! Sorry. And sorry I have do this. YES, it’s fucking gun. SHUT THE FUCK UP! OH MERCILESS GOD I’M ON FUCKING FIRE! Ahhhh…. Annnd… If you… would of just cut the shit… I wouldn’t have to do… THIS.

CLICK.

Ok hold on a sec, I left the bullets on my desk.