Danielle Schneider's Blog: I need you!!
Since this is my last post, I thought I’d pose some really important questions that have been taxing my brain as of late. Why must these mysteries haunt me so?!!!
-Why will they only let Ron Pearlman play monsters? Yeah, he’s kind of fucked up and crazy looking, but so is Tori Spelling and they don’t make her put on a lion mane.
-Do hot jailbait girls really wear long socks with their bathing suits? I know American Apparel thinks they do, but It seems highly weather inappropriate for a hot day at the beach.
-What is Lil’ Mama actually saying when she judges “America’s Best Dance Crew?” She uses phrases like “Doin’ your biz” and “it’s poppin” and “Shorty’s got the goodz” but I still can’t make out one complete sentence. Maybe she’s using some sort of weird language that, like those new cell phone rings, no one over eighteen can hear.
-Can anyone tell Brooke and Linda Hogan apart?
They both have Barbie hair, they're both made of leather, and they’ve both had their asses rubbed by the Hulk.
Which one is the mom?
-Does Audrina from The Hills eyes open any wider? Maybe she’s super tired or her eyelids are really fat so she can’t lift them, but it’s hard to tell when she’s surprised or sleeping, so I’d really like to know.
-How is Amy Winehouse still alive? She’s done ten times her weight in crack and her body is so toxic that her face is literally starting to eat itself. Also- what’s her favorite color?
If you know the answers to any of these quandaries, please let me know, maybe then I can finally get some sleep.
Comments (8)
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Danielle,
1.) Ron Perlman’s dad wasn’t a high-powered TV exec, so the rules are different for him.2.) If American Apparel says they do, I can’t see what they would have to gain by lying. I saw an article about a rash of teenage girls in Japan who were having ankle injuries because they were all wearing flip flops with 5 inch heels. Hot jailbait girls will do... more >
“Why will they only let Ron Pearlman play monsters?”
Did you forget about Ron Perlman in “The Last Winter”? Actually, so did I.
“Do hot jailbait girls really wear long socks with their bathing suits?”
Not unless they’re albino or a 60 year old German man. Personally, I prefer to wear “tankinis”.
“What is Lil’ Mama actually saying when she judges ‘America’s... more >
You ask questions, but if you were to honestly think about it, you would know deep down no explanation to these questions will ever really be good enough.
Enjoyed the blogs! Funny stuff.
I can only say this:
At one time, Ron Pearlman was actually living in the sewers—the producers of the “Beauty and the Beast” television show thought he was just being a method actor… but, he was just broke.
—mike
“The Hogans”, they’re just “The Osmonds” with implants and steroids.
Danielle with wordz. You was typin’! All I can say is. Yeah. Blogz this week. Rippin’ style. And your flares? Tight.
Amy Winehouse died years ago. The beehive is made of helium and holding her up. Kinda dangerous to smoke around that thing…
ron pearlman plays monsters because he IS one
american apparel just does that to try and get me to masturbate in public, it has nothing to do with actual fashion
i understand NOTHING on MTV
you can only tell liz and linda apart in person because liz is a GIANT
the hills will give you cancer so just stop watching
amy winehouse is actually keith richards reinc... more >