Things found floating in the beer foam...: Kenny G.'s One-Time-Only "WTF?" Contest!!!
"Seriously, Cindy... WTF?!?! ... It didn't take this many weeks to sort shit out when the friggin Pope died!!"
(Future quote, once I am no longer house sitting... Names have been changed to protect those who will kick my ass for this comment when they return.)
So yeah... I'm still house sitting..........
They left before Memorial day... are still gone at the 4th of July... and have no definite plans for returning....
................
WTF?!?!?!
I mean, yes... It wasn't a vacation... bad things happened.... I get it....
.... There has been some misfortune during the stay... hey, I understand... Murphy and his God forsaken Law bend me over the wood pile weekly, and never buy me dinner afterwards... I know...
But seriously... What the ever loving, holy Halliburton, Jesus hopped up on a Giant Pixie Stick fuck!!! This is getting r-tarded!!!
I mean, don't get me wrong... I enjoy the dog's company (almost as good as the 12 gauge I used to sleep with).... The birds are cool.... except when they feel the need to go on their 3AM, 3 hour, "Chirp-Fest's"..... Hell... I even enjoy the fish pond from time to time.... mostly when I haven't spent an hour "Elbow-Deep in fish leavings"..... God-Darn that friggin filter....
I mean... seriously... Can anybody reading this tell me they have a friend that could leave their home for 6+ weeks, and baby-sit your domecile? Huh???? Can you?!?!?!
Honestly... My cat won't know who the bloody hell I am when I come back.... assuming the folks watching my place didn't just let him roam free, and say "Feck-It"....
And, I haven't spent time there in 6 weeks.... why am I paying an Electric Bill!!!!!!!
So, here is the contest.... What would your first words be to the lovely couple, when they return home after all this time? The winner, judged by me, gets a cookie.... Deliverable the next time I am in their geographic area. :-)
Ok..... I'm just a tad stressed right now... as I'm spending vital time tending to this home, when I could be getting my own "sitch" settled, and get the Holy Hartford out of this dessicating state we call Michigan....
But no....
I gotta go buy Parakeet seed.....
Speaking of which... I gotta end this blog... because the dog wants to go outside again... and find another skunk to play with. :-/
"I'm not usually a praying man..... and I know you're busy... but if you can find the time, and find it in your heart.... Please.... SAVE ME SUPERMAN!!!!!"
- Kenny G.
(Future quote, once I am no longer house sitting... Names have been changed to protect those who will kick my ass for this comment when they return.)
So yeah... I'm still house sitting..........
They left before Memorial day... are still gone at the 4th of July... and have no definite plans for returning....
................
WTF?!?!?!
I mean, yes... It wasn't a vacation... bad things happened.... I get it....
.... There has been some misfortune during the stay... hey, I understand... Murphy and his God forsaken Law bend me over the wood pile weekly, and never buy me dinner afterwards... I know...
But seriously... What the ever loving, holy Halliburton, Jesus hopped up on a Giant Pixie Stick fuck!!! This is getting r-tarded!!!
I mean, don't get me wrong... I enjoy the dog's company (almost as good as the 12 gauge I used to sleep with).... The birds are cool.... except when they feel the need to go on their 3AM, 3 hour, "Chirp-Fest's"..... Hell... I even enjoy the fish pond from time to time.... mostly when I haven't spent an hour "Elbow-Deep in fish leavings"..... God-Darn that friggin filter....
I mean... seriously... Can anybody reading this tell me they have a friend that could leave their home for 6+ weeks, and baby-sit your domecile? Huh???? Can you?!?!?!
Honestly... My cat won't know who the bloody hell I am when I come back.... assuming the folks watching my place didn't just let him roam free, and say "Feck-It"....
And, I haven't spent time there in 6 weeks.... why am I paying an Electric Bill!!!!!!!
So, here is the contest.... What would your first words be to the lovely couple, when they return home after all this time? The winner, judged by me, gets a cookie.... Deliverable the next time I am in their geographic area. :-)
Ok..... I'm just a tad stressed right now... as I'm spending vital time tending to this home, when I could be getting my own "sitch" settled, and get the Holy Hartford out of this dessicating state we call Michigan....
But no....
I gotta go buy Parakeet seed.....
Speaking of which... I gotta end this blog... because the dog wants to go outside again... and find another skunk to play with. :-/
"I'm not usually a praying man..... and I know you're busy... but if you can find the time, and find it in your heart.... Please.... SAVE ME SUPERMAN!!!!!"
- Kenny G.
Comments (13)
Got something to say? Comment on this blog post:
"Welcome home!...Uh, I think my hair may have clogged all the drains..."
What is wrong with you people ? you have no porn,but I did find one from your honeymoon.I hope you dont mind,and your beer is gone too.
Thank God you're back. I have to leave town and my grandfather needs you to take care of him. Here's the address and be sure and pick up diapers on your way. I'll call when I can come back.
Before I enter this OTO WTF contest, I need to know something very important:
What type cookie?...
I thought you were dead so I got the deed from your drawer and sold the house.
"You're late young lady! What do you have to say for yourself?" (or young man, whomever walks in first)
Sorry but the birds ate the fish and the dog ate the birds and well, I haven't seen the dog since I heard squealing brakes on the street. Guess I'm not good with pets. But I'm glad I could help out.
Hey!! How are you!! No, it was no problem at all. I went ahead and took a crap on the living room floor, plus I used your socks to clean up my sperm from all over your keyboard. Oh, and you might just wanna get rid of your bedspread now, after all the prostitutes I've been bringing over here.
CHANGE THE LOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR AND TELL THEM SOME BIG BLACK JAMAICANS WANT TO KILL YOU FOR SOME REASON.
CALL AND CANCEL TELEPHONE, CABLE, GAS AND WATER. TELL THEM THAT YOU HEARD THAT THEY HAD DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT
SHIT IN THE FISH POND, BIRD CAGE AND BEDROOM FLOOR AND TELL THEM THE PETS WENT WILD ASS CRAZY WHEN THEY DIDN'T COME BACK
BRING IN SEVERAL STRA... more >
that'll be $10,000.00 please... or all the animals die along with you.
How about you tell them nothing because when they get home, you're already in another state with no forwarding address?
I think they deserve to come home to the aftermath of a Rager. Post directions to a Summer Slam and tear the place up. And secretly film their reaction to the aftermath, then post that vid here.
say nada zilch...just sit in the corner with your hands around your legs rocking very gently back and forth and emit random animal sounds when spoken to....and then cry