twonicus

there are places you go that bring out certain feelings. smells and color patternes can invoke a massive range of emotional recall. but this is nothing new. we gravitate to those places because they make us comfortable, or  shun them for the same/opposite reasons. i recently went a little crazy. found myself wandering the freight lines that run along/under the west side of manhattan. it's not a good place to find yourself. if any workers catch you, they'll call the cops. if anyone else catches you, well, you'll want to call the cops. if some one is the who is not a worker, they're not supposed to be there. anyway, i'm losing focus...

I'm carefully picking my path alongside the tracks. staying close to the battered, concrete wall running parallel to the rails. the carcass of a tree is unaturally situated against the wall, blocking my path, but not blocking the rails. i investigate... before i'm even ten feet away i hear rustling and singing from behind the tree. as i move even closer i realize it's coming from inside the wall. i pick up on the melody coming from inside the wall and start harmonizing. almost right away the singing and movement stop and i can smell the fear. i poke my head around the tree and am staring into a dark hole that really stinks. i call out an uncertain greeting and am met with a flying can of coffee grounds...sans coffee grounds. i reiterate my greeting and add that i mean no harm. i very small head pops into view. the childishly small, wrinkled face stares past me for a few, uncomfortable seconds, makes a ewok-esque noise and disappeares back into the hole. i hear rustling and squeaking, and the ancient child re-emerges laboriously pushing a crudely constructed cage, containing the largest rat i have ever seen. at first i think it's a pet. but then the shrivled, tiny human who is presenting this creature to me begins making obviously threatening motions at the massive rodent. i realize the person wants the rat dead...probably for food. i ask why i have been deemed necessary to this process, and am answered by one of the most genuine looks of astonishment i've ever seen. it takes about ten minuets of some very frusterating, almost-verbal communication (i imagine talking to neanderthals would feel about the same) before i realize this small person wants me to KILL the rat (it's probably the biggest meal this person has ever had the opportunity to eat). i understand this because the small one (i still can't tell if it's male or female) yelps in extreme anger, pulled out a dull pocket knife and attempted (unsuccesfully) to plunge it into the giant rat, nearly getting bitten in the process. i can't help but laugh at the dark comedy of all this, so i decide to go along.

the rat hisses at me as i bend down to the cage. as i open the make-shift cage door the animal tries to dig it's way through the bars at the back of the cage. i reach in and grab it by the tail. in one smooth motion i pull the rodent out and slam it to the ground hard
. while the animal is stunned i grab it with both hands/ one hand around it's torso, the other around it's entire head. the fur is soft, and it's tail lazily wraps around my forearm as i squeeze it's body harder. i can sense the rat is coming around so i take a breath, clear my mind and in one swift, strong twist, break it's neck. i drop the rodent and turn away. the small person squeals in delight and snatches the limp rat cadaver. several minutes pass and i am left alone to contemplate my most recent adventure in rodenticide. it's the first time i've ever killed anything besides a bug with my bare hands, and it's a little unnerving. but, before i can take my reverie too far the small one comes back out from the hole with two, even smaller, less wrinkled people. they are jabbering unintelligibly to each other (though they seem to know what is being said, it's all greek to me...so to speak). something has got them very excited. the smaller ones see me and suddenly get quiet. i squat down to their level and look them in the eye, trying very hard to seem comforting and approachable without speaking. the larger, older person gestures to me, makes a few encouraging noises, and finally the smaller humans move towards me. they move like adults. very skittish and apprehensive, but no childish waddling or adolescent uncoordination that you might expect from people so small. the two almost-children make it to me and without a moments hesitation they begin to touch me. my hair, my clothes, my face. making little "oooh" noises when they come across something particularily interesting (like my wallet).  their faces are a bizarre combination of a young adult (someone around 20, or so) and a toddler. their teeth (what they had left, anyway) were far too large for anyone still having baby teeth, and their ears, noses and joints all seems disproportionate to the rest for their bodies. and then i knew what was going on. this family had probably been here for at least one generation. the biggest one, the one i met first was mother/father (i still couldn't tell), and these were the kids, both at least 15 years old. they all looked this way because they were so horribly malnourished that they never really grew or hit puberty properly. they probably eat 2 square meals a month and darnk rainwater (if they were lucky). i had to wonder how such a family could exists in modern NYC. no sooner had i though this when the father/mother person called out from a few feet behind the tree. i could smell a fire. i got up, walked around the tree to see the humungous rat, with four foot long piece of rebar shoved through it's body, spinning over a small fire. a small part of me wanted to vomit, but i remained calm. the father/mother waved me over excitedly and spouted some jibberish at me. i could tell he/she wanted me to stay for dinner. this, i did not want to do. my attempt to make this clear brought the kids over and they grabbed my hands as i began to move away. they felt so weak...pathetic. i again squatted down and put one hand on each of their heads. i told them i would be back. they didn't understand. so i stood up, took my coat off, and hung it over the dead tree that served as a door to their "home". i again said that i would return. they seemed to understand (though they obviously did not like it). the father/mother nodded at me sadly and i turned away. heading home.