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bill dawes

is a scary tiger, and he wants to F#@k you.

Bill grew up in Alexandria, Virginia -- the product of some of the best public schools in his neighborhood. After being the only Caucasian on his breakdance squad, the only Caucasian on his mile-relay track team, and one of three Caucasians on the T.C. Williams nationally ranked football team, Bill earned the nickname “that white boy is crazy.” He had bad teeth, a worse lisp, horrible acne, bowl-inspired haircuts by his artistically challenged dad, and often wore a nylon hoodie with tuffskins. This ensured the status of his virginity until well into his senior year. The youngest of three boys, Bill also survived 17 years of noogies and getting pinned down and farted on. Finally, he escaped to the Ivory tower of Princeton University, where everyone thought he was an amalgam of white trash and "wannabe" because he was often seen wearing Geranimals with parachute pants and fat laces.