So Thanksgiving has come and gone. Did you all get your fill of turkey? Are all of your pants one size to small now? If you celebrated Thanksgiving the right way, then they should be! Am I right? Did you get all of your tupperware containers back from friends and relatives that you gave leftovers to? You won't.

Make sure you eat your leftovers before they spoil because you can't eat them once they spoil.

Did you remember to set your clocks back or did you show up to work an hour early? Did you miss your appointments and have to reschedule?

Have you raked up all the leaves in your yard? Have you gotten your hats, scarves and gloves out of the closet and ready? Have you turned your thermostat up? Have you made sure your furnace is clean?

Have you?

Have you done anything to prepare for the winter? What are you gonna do if it snows? What are you gonnna do if there's a blizzard? Oh God! What if we all get snowed in!?!?

OH MY GOD!

What if the snow piles up in front of our doors and windows and blocks all the sunlight!?! If the snow's in front of the door I won't be able to get out! I don't know if I have enough bread and milk here to make it through the winter! This blizzard's going to take out all the phone and internet lines and I won't be able to call anyone to bring me supplies! Even if I can, the streets are packed with ice and snow so no one can even get here anyway!!! OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO STARVE HERE IN MY COLD DARK HOUSE ALL ALONE!!!

I'm really more of a summer person.

Ugh.

Are you wondering why the POW banner this week looks weird? Well, this POW is the Thanksgiving edition, so I asked our graphics department (Stefan) to "make me a banner for POW #24 and include turkey".

The POW banner above is the official flag of Turkey, which has nothing to do with turkey. Still a pretty cool banner though, right?

Anyway, on to the POW.

Remember how we did a pros and cons list for the Halloween POW? Well...

Pros and Cons: Thanksgiving!

Pro: Turkey, duh!
Obviously, the whole point of Thanksgiving is the outlandish amount of food you will be shoving down your throat, but the best part of any of it is the turkey. I mean, what is this miracle food? It's like that kid in high school that had a bookbag full of candy and just shared it with everyone because that’s how he made friends, ya know? Well, turkey is that kid. I mean white meat for you, dark meat for me...plus, hey, what's that inside? Stuffing? Surprise! Plus when you're done eating, it even puts you to sleep with its Tryptophan lullaby. Mmmm. Freakin' PRO.

Con: "Turkey"
Or "Tofurky". Tofu turkey. Gross, seriously. I've never eaten it but I can say with 100% confidence that it is disgusting. I know this because it is sold in brick form. The only food that is acceptable in brick form is cheese. Anyway, everyone knows at least one person who prefers tofurkey over the right thing but hopefully you're lucky enough to know/hate this person enough that you can refuse when they offer it, but in the off chance that it's your girlfriend/boyfriend - sorry you're gonna have to choke this garbage down. Con.

Pro: This might be the year.
In every family there's that confused teenaged cousin that you know is gay, but just hasn't come out yet. Every family gathering, you hope and hope that this is the year that he stands up and announces that Keith isn't just his roommate. You want him to come out because it's probably the most freeing thing a gay person can do and he owes it to himself to be honest and proud and true and not back down to who he truly is inside, but also because it'd really piss grandma off. Pro!

Con: The kids table
The kids table would be cool if it were all your peers, but the kids table in most families can be for kids aged anywhere from 2-12. At 12 years old you're cool enough to chill and eat your turkey and stuffing without throwing your food at the person sitting next to you. However, the two year old sitting next to you, isn’t. Con.

Con: The Macy's day parade.
Why do you watch it every year? Tradition? The only thing on? Al Roker? For whatever reason, it's been on TV on Thanksgiving for 112 years and you watch it every year, even though it's all the same floats and same celebrities and same songs. None of the floats ever get loose and float off into the New York sky, so there's really no point in tuning in. Plus, Macy's must have some brass ones to try to rename Thanksgiving to Macy's Day. Con.

Pro: Black Friday
Good deals, great sales, getting Christmas shopping done early, instant rebates. Pro.

Con: Black Friday
Traffic jams, bad drivers, rude people, long lines, disgruntled employees, not-so-instant rebates. Con.

Well, it looks like the cons win on this one - but what kind of Pilgrim would I be if I declared Thanksgiving a bad holiday?

Hey Thanksgiving, you’re a-ok.

Happy Thanksgiving from BangBoomCrash!

Ya know, at some point in your life you're going to get into a fight. It might be in elementary school over a girl you like, or it might be when you're an adult...over a girl you like - but regardless of when it happens, you're going to need to know how to get out of it because if you don't you're going to get punched and brother, believe me, you don't want to get punched. It hurts.

Anyway, I've listed out some proven methods I've developed for getting out of a fight. Don't worry that some of the methods rely on the crowd that is watching the fight, because trust me, they'll be a crowd. Know how I know they'll be a crowd? Well, let me just tell you this - there's going to be a fight between me and another dude tomorrow at 4.

Did you just check your calendar to make sure you could make it?

Of course you did, so did everyone else. If there's going to be a fight and at least one person that is not in the fight knows about the fight - they'll be a crowd. So, here you go - enjoy not getting punched. You can thank me whenever.

"The General Lee" - Right before the fight, when your opponent takes his first steps towards you, point to somewhere behind him and go 'Hey! What's that!'. He'll look, and then turn back to you and say how he didn't see anything. At that point you say 'You don't see that Civil War re-enactment?'. He'll either think you're crazy for seeing it, or he's crazy for not. At this point, put both hands behind your back and lower your head while you walk around reciting the Gettysburg Address. Your opponent will either get bored and walk away, or stay and listen to the single greatest speech ever written. If he stays, he won't want to fight you because now he definitely thinks you're crazy. Victory!

"The Patriot" - Stage an actual Civil War re-enactment. However, the trick here is that one of the guns is REAL. When the fight starts, grab the real gun - the rest is self-explanatory but I'll explain it anyway - grab the real gun and when the wind reaches a NW direction of 8-12 mph, point the gun at the nearest flag pole and shoot just below the truck assembly at the stationary Halyard (not the revolving Halyard) this will separate the snap hooks from the cleat covers and drop the retainer ring assembly onto the flash covers which in turn drops the flag on top of your opponent. While he's trapped beneath Old Glory, run away. Victory!

"The Dante" - When the other guy shows up and the crowd is good and ready, look up into the sky and exclaim in a whiny voice 'I’m not even supposed to BE here today!' It's a quote from the movie Clerks - everyone will get a good laugh and the situation will dissolve itself. Victory!

"The Freedom Fighter" - Take your clothes off. That's all. Victory!

"The Dairy King" - (Or "Dairy Queen" for the ladies). Get the entire crowd on your side by saying 'I was gonna take all of you guys out for ice cream, but I have this stupid fight to do...'. The crowd will turn on your opponent, scaring him away in hopes of getting treated to ice cream. When the other guy has been chased away, turn to the crowd and point to somewhere behind them and go 'Hey! What's that!'. When they all turn to look, run away. Victory!

"The Roosevelt" - Speak softly and carry a big stick. Just as the fight is about to begin, start mumbling things, quietly, under your breath, ya know - 'speaking softly'. Your opponent will wonder what you're saying and start walking towards you to hear better. When he gets close enough, hit him with the stick. Victory!

"The MVP" - Prepare. Before you ever even get in a fight, spend a few months lifting weights, eating right, doing pull ups and push ups, etc. Doing this will build muscle, making you very strong - strong enough to swing a big stick really hard. Victory!

"The Webmaster" -  Spend all of your time indoors in front of a computer writing a weekly column for a comedy website - that way you'll never interact with society the way normal people do thus reducing your chances of ever getting in a fight. Victory!

That's it! Sounds pretty easy, huh? Let me just add that when you are getti...

What?

What'd you say?

Who are you calling ugly? That's it, man! It's on! Let's do this!

Hey, what's that!

10.) MikeAndStefan.com: Someone got mad about this.
9.) RememberThatTimeKanyeWestGotOnStageWithTaylorSwift.com: That incident hadn't actually happened yet. Isn't it odd that we thought of that, all the way back in 2007? Odd.
8.) StefanAndMike.com: Someone got mad about this.
7.) ComedyComedyBoBomedy.com: If a guy named 'Bo Bomedy' ever joined our comedy team, the power of having the domain name named after him would have gone to his head, and quickly. Bo is like that.
6.) Googel.com: We thought people misspelling the actual Google.com would drive a lot of traffic in, but it turns out Google already thought about this and bought every domain even CLOSE to the word 'Google' and they wouldn't take 15 bucks for the domain name - or at least I'm guessing, because they never returned our voicemail(s).
5.) NoGirlsAllowed.com: This was a reference to one of our favorite comedy series of all time, 'The Little Rascals'. The only problem was that girls ARE allowed at BangBoomCrash, so, ya know..whaddya do?
4.) YuoTube.com: See #6 above.
3.) RachelRaysAngryBicycleWarehouse.com: I'm actually not sure why this name was in the running, but looking back, I wish we would have picked it. Man, that's a good name.
2.) S&Mcomedy.com: Way too much unwanted traffic to this name.
1.) CrashBangBoom.com: Come on, that just sounds stupid.

So, you know how the story goes because, well, we are BangBoomCrash and unfortunately, not RachelRaysAngryBicycleWarehouse.

Such a good name.

I took my dog for a walk tonight, he pee'd on a fire hydrant. I yelled at him for reinforcing a stereotype but he didn't understand me because he did it 2 more times on the way home. I don't know about him. He does this kind of stuff on purpose, I think. I mean, he's a proud species but doesn't seem to want to live up to expectations, or at least my expectations. I blame it on the internet. I don't know what websites he goes to. Is there a way to find out what websites my dog goes to?

Psych. I know dogs can't get on the internet.

But seriously, he can be a pretty bad dog sometimes. For instance, he likes to lay at the bottom of our stairs, it's like his place I guess. It's just where he goes to hang out and watch us do odd things he doesn't understand like vacuum the floor or eat from a plate. Anyway, I said that to say this. I'm not sure if my dog is a jerk or just stupid because when I come down the stairs he doesn't move. He requires people to walk over him. Is he a jerk or does he just not get that I have to walk over him? Sometimes I wish I could just put him in a box. Or a bag. What would we call that? A dog sack? A doggie duffle...bag?

Oh, a doggie bag. Nevermind.

Anyway, I can't complain that much. Overall, he's a pretty good dog. I mean he does stuff he's supposed to. He knows how to sit and stay - unless he doesn't want to. But most importantly, he doesn't poop in the house. Well, he did once when he was scared. And actually twice in the basement, but that doesn't count - who hasn't pooped in the basement?

I haven't pooped in the basement.

For awhile.

Halloween. All Hallows Eve. All Saints Day.

Halloween.

Halloween night is a lot of things to a lot of people - A fun night for the kids. A scary night for the elderly. An annoying night for dogs that hate doorbells and, I guess, just a usual night for the forgetful.

So, in the interest of fairness and since our demographic here at BangBoomCrash is kids, the elderly, dogs and the forgetful - let's weigh out the pros and cons of this traditional fright night we call HALLOWEEEEEN! (I typed it out to sound scary - had it been said aloud).

Anyway.

Pros and Cons: Halloween

Pro: Candy
Butterfingers, Snickers, Skittles, freakin' NERDS! Those awesome little boxes of Nerds that you would end up with like 50 boxes of at the end of the night. That was the best. If you are reading this and are saying you don't like candy - you're lying. Everyone loves candy. Even dentists. Especially dentists, they eat that stuff like...well, candy. Candy is the universal uniter - there's a kind of candy for everyone. Hard candy, soft candy, sweet, sour, chocolate covered, chocolate coated, chocolate filled. Yeah, candy is a definite pro. Moving on.

Con: "Candy"
Pencils, pennies, apples, toothbrushes. I once got a coupon for Halloween. I remember it vividly; it was 40 cents off Quilted Northern. I was old enough to know that was total BS and young enough to have no need for it. Sure, I could use it now, but now is too late. I don't have that coupon anymore because 10 year old me threw it out because it was not chocolate covered, chocolate coated nor chocolate filled. Someone needs to tell these people that this crap doesn't count. None of this satisfies the "treat" part of the "Trick-Or-Treat" contract. A Bic pen doesn't get you out of getting your house TP'd, even if it is orange and black. CON! MOVING ON!

Pro: Moving up to the pillow case
Somewhere around the age of 9 or 10 Halloween becomes less about your parents showing off how cute you are and more of a personal mission of yours to get as much candy as possible. That's when you get the bright idea to move from the little orange-pumpkin bucket to a pillow case. You're parents become the taxi for the night sometimes even willing to drive you 40 minutes to the rich neighborhood. Moving on.

Pro: The rich neighborhood
Somewhere around the same age that you switch to the pillow case is the time that you start building your mental map of all the neighborhoods with the best candy. You've been at this for a few years now and you're starting to notice the trends, compare with your peers and starting to know your key neighborhoods as well as your fallbacks (the neighborhoods you go where the houses are so close you can bang out 50 houses in about 6 minutes). You start to get word that 1445 Howard Ave is handing out remote control cars and 1447 is handing out $10 bills. Pro.

Con: Scary kids
Four foot high Draculas that are good at hiding in small places. No thanks. Moving on.

Con: Having to quit
At a certain age, you become too old to go Trick-or-Treating - not to be confused with 'too big' because lets face it at 5'7" I blend in with most middle-school kids and could easily pull off a night of candy harvesting. However, there's the chance that I'd run into a co-worker or friend from high school and they'd ask where my kid was. I'd have to quick act like I lost him. "Where'd he go!?!" - I'd exclaim and try to walk away, but with my luck the guy I just ran into would be eager to help me find this "kid". However, eventually I'd have to commit to my lie and steal some little Dracula to get the guy off my back. So, now at this point I've kidnapped a child and over an hour has passed - 1445 Howard Ave. is out of remote control cars and the $10 bill house turned off its porch light. Con.

Hmm...I seem to have listed just as many cons as pros, but let's face it Halloween is awesome. It's definitely my favorite holiday. I love everything about it, Quilted Northern coupons and all.

Happy Halloween from BangBoomCrash!