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July 06, 2008


One day, I was checking on my computer and I looked on Yahoo's front page, and one of the featured stories was an article titled "Five Signs of a Great Date". Now, myself being the victim of the awkward mating ritual that is known as "dating", thought, this might help, since I am pretty bad at reading women.

I looked up the signals men should read from women. First signal: "She actually shows up". I don't know about that. As a guy, I am a little saddend when I am stood up (which is pretty damn common), but I think that if she did leave me without a phone call or a message, then I should be lucky that the bitch didn't feel like she didn't bother. Hell, now I can have a great date! Cause I know that when I go home, I can get a lil' sumpthin, sumpthin'. A little bawm-chika-wow-wow, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no further. Same can be said for both sexes, as long as the guys don't mind stroking a fleshy pole and women don't mind sticking their fingers into something that feels like a ham sandwich with lots of mayo.

Second: "Your date laughs the whole time you're together". I remember a date in which that happened. I was cool, smooth, funny, and she said she couldn't wait to see me again. The next month, she avoided me like the plague. Also, there are times when you don't want her to laugh. Good examples include taking her to your car, telling a story about how you lost your puppy to cancer, and when you take your pants off.

Then at that point I realized that the article is garbage.

Here's how you know it's a great date...

When you take her home, you realize that there were no awkward moments of silence, that the both of you actually like the same stuff, and you make plans to go out again in the immediate future.

That's based on the 2 or 3 dates that I've been in that have actually worked.

Then again, I might grow up to that guy at the bar...you know...THAT guy...