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May 12, 2010
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America's Youth Shocked To Find Out Murphy Was Once A Bad-Ass

Evansville, IA (CHN): Sixteen year old Skyler Mathis stumbled upon what seemed to be some sort of alternate universe when she uncovered her parents old VHS collection. Most notable were the apparent Eddie Murphy movies '48 Hours', 'Trading Places', and 'Coming to America'. Mathis (thinking the movies were the typical 'G' rated garbage that she was accustomed to seeing Murphy in) put the movies on while she babysat 10 year old neighbor Mathew Gruden.

Young Mathew and babysitter Skyler had no idea that they were about to begin a six-hour adventure of raucous comedy, sexual fantasy, and edgy race baiting mischief.

"For years I have been bored to tears with movies like 'Shrek' and 'Daddy Day Care', said pre-teen Mathew. Now I realize that Eddie Murphy was once a hardcore S.O.B.... who woulda thought?"

Upon returning home Mathew's parents were put into the same awkward position that many of adults today face on a regular basis: 'How to explain what the fuck went wrong with Eddie Murphy's career'. Dr. James Dobson of 'Focus on the Family' fame has dealt with the issue from parents from across the country and referred CHN to a press release from his website:

The degradation of Eddie Murphy's work as an A-list actor of fulfilling movies to a shit-can voice over artist and two bit kiddie flick pusher is a difficult topic for Christian families. The message however is increasingly clear: Engaging in promiscuous sexual behavior in the back seat of a car with drugged up tranny always results in one losing their sense of reality, dignity, and the most basic intrinsic professional value of right vs. wrong... I think 'The Haunted Mansion' is a good example, that really sucked.

For most families the transition of exposing children to an Eddie Murphy worth watching is shaky and unpredictable. Dobson recommends that "...the best method is an impromptu after school showing of Eddies 1987 Classic 'Raw'. The 46 uses of "motherfucker" should ease America's youngsters towards a reasonable understanding of what Eddie use to be for all of us.


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