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Written for Savage Henry Magazine
95 Funny Votes
197 Die Votes
5,551 Views
Published January 26, 2012

George Lucas recently re-released all six Star Wars films on Blu-Ray. When he did so, he had a long list of changes that he wanted to make. Some changes were actually executed, for instance now Darth Vader screams “noooo!” before he throws the Emperor to his death. While other changes George Lucas wasn't able to make due to time constraints.

Since I'm super Hollywood, I was able to get my hands on the changes George Lucas wanted to make but was unable to. Here is an inside, sneak peek at some of the notes George sent to his editor.

 

Dear Editor:

Here are a list of changes I'd like to make

Digitally replace Obi Wan Kenobi with Fergie. Not Fergie playing Obi Wan, but just Fergie being Fergie.

Make Jar Jar Binks' eyes slanted and give him buck teeth so no one can say he's a racist black stereotype.

Let's give R2D2 a new best friend: Vern Troyer

The Death Star is no longer a spaceship, but a Target Superstore instead.

C3PO should have a very realistic looking gold dick

Can we make it look like Hans Solo is wearing rollerblades throughout the movie?

The planet Hoth should no longer be cold. Now I want it to be really really hot.

Instead of growling, Chewbacca should do the shaka sign and say “tubular dudes!”

Let's edit Princess Leia completely out of the film.

Luke Skywalker should now be named George Lucas

Let's have Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader no longer be related.

Love George

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