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September 02, 2015

Kermit is over Miss Piggy and is all about Denise now! Denise is also a pig, so like, maybe that's just what he's into?

It’s only been a month since Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy announced their split after 40 years, simultaneously reminding everyone they were a couple and that love is not real. But Kermit is already back on the prowl and has a new beau. That dog! I mean… frog. Anyways, his new lady is named Denise and she’s a little foxy minx!

Well, she isn’t a minx, she is, like Miss Piggy, a pig, which brings me to the point of this article. I think it’s safe to say that Kermit has a type and that that type is pigs. Now this is not a bad thing at all! It’s totally normal to have types. Some people like jocks, while others like a more bookish person. Kermit must like pigs.



Of course, sometimes people go through phases and maybe this is just his pig phase. Also, we don’t know for sure who he dated before Miss Piggy, maybe it was a lady cow. By the way Kermit, is this thing with Denise doesn’t work out we’re happy to introduce you to a squirrel or even a micro-pig, you know, someone more frog-sized.

But for right now it definitely seems like pigs are Kermit’s “thing.” He likes a lil oink in the sheets. Of course, he probably also respects these women for the pigs they are , not just for their curly tails and snouts. (I dunno, is that what people who are attracted to pigs are into? I’m just guessing.)

What is truly wonderful, though, is that it ultimately doesn’t matter. Sure, it’s pretty clear he’s into pigs. But newsflash people! It’s 2015 and we’re living in a post-I am-Caitlyn world. People and frogs are into different things, and are different things! And while it’s becoming more and more normal for people to be open about their range of identities and preferences, one thing shouldn’t be compromised. And that is respect!

So congrats Kermit and Denise! If you two are happy, we’re happy and apologies in advance for the nutty conservatives who are going to say your love is a direct result of us legalizing gay marriage.