— Obi-Wan Kenobi, just before learning that Jordy Nelson suffered a season-ending ACL injury
“I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.”
Jordy Nelson’s injury has made it a time of mourning for Packers fans and fantasy owners alike. However, there are actually even worse fates that could befall some of our favorite players. Here are five injuries that would be even more terrible than the one that ended Jordy Nelson’s season:
1. Peyton Manning’s head falls off
With the decrease in arm strength that has come with an increase in age, Manning’s head is even more important today than it was ten years ago.
2. All of Marshawn Lynch’s teeth shatter
Everyone knows that Lynch runs on Skittles™ only. Without teeth, there will be no Skittles. Without Skittles, there would be no Marshawn Lynch.
3. Aaron Rogers is split in half at the torso
Basically, Rogers would be in two pieces here. How could he run without a bottom half? How could he throw without a top half? Most importantly where would he wear his “Discount Doublecheck” championship belt?
4. Odell Beckham Jr. misplaces his arms
Beckham has quickly proven to be one of the NFL’s most impressive pass catchers. He would be less impressive if he had no arms.
5. Arian Foster is struck by lightning
Foster already has a groin injury, but he should be healthy sometime this season. However, he has admitted that he doesn’t believe in God, so there is a very good chance he’ll be hit by lightning several times before the season begins.