Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
Published October 22, 2009 More Info »
1 Funny Votes
0 Die Votes
19 Views
Published October 22, 2009
Today started off fantastic.  Woke up, coughed...no lung butter surfaced.  Happy that my cold is almost gone. Took a shower (made a shampoo mohawk...winked at myself in the mirror) flexed, frowned.
 
Got my boy up, went downstairs for breakfast.  Nick had 12 grain toast, banana, and a yogurt (yogurt is only gross when person 80 years and over is eating it).
 
Then I got Nick dressed.  Today he looked really Rad, Hurley hooded sweatshirt, Camo pants and some Halloween socks (spiders and pumpkins).  Nick will never be that jogging pants kid at school, I just wont allow it.  Skate way or the highway! As far as I'm concerned, you cant put a price on cool. 
 
Then it was off to Pre-School.  We sung some songs on the way, todays efforts included " Pop goes the weasel but we made up our own words as we saw things on the road".  We pulled in to the parking lot, I did the blood mustache check, brought Nick into the center.  Gave him a sneaky kiss, a serious high5 and wished him an amazing day.

Now to the story, sorry for the long intro...

I rushed home as the Bell Satellite guy was coming to install a PVR unit.  I made it in time, he had not arrived yet.  Plopped my lazy arse on the couch and logged into FOD to say hey to all my friends. (God I'm a sweetheart).  About 45 minutes later, DING DONG! Its the Satellite guy.  He seriously looked like something that you would peel off your shoe after leaving a movie theater, AND he smelled like cigarettes and pee. Lovely.  He obviously does put a price on cool.

Mr.Stinky starts the install, I seriously cant stand looking at him so I continue to surf around FOD.  A few minutes into the install, he says " Do you mind if I use your washroom"  I hate when people ask that because in the history of the question, I doubt if the answer has ever been NO.  I pointed Mr.Stinky to the washroom and off he went....quickly...which scared me.

After 10 minutes I was starting to get a little worried.  What is he laying down in there? Then, my worst nightmare.... "Hello? Hello? Do you have any more toilet paper?"  Oh my god, are you fucking serious?!!! I am going to have to hand bomb Mr.Stinky a roll of shit wipe.  I ran and grabbed a roll of wipe for the dirty bastard and headed towards the washroom.  Now I'm thinking (as he is stinking) how do I do this.  I put the paper outside the door and told him to get it himself.  He very quietly said thank you and started to open the door! FUCK give me a second or two to get out of sight you sick disgusting Satellite Freak! His hairy arm reached out and grabbed it.  It looked like something off the ADAMS Family.  Then the flush. Then he returned to the install.  Hmmmm did I miss a line in this blog? Nope, he did not wash his hands.

He finished the install and asked me to sign the paperwork, I told him that I only sign things with my own favorite pen cause god only knows what is lingering on that pen of his.  Then off he went.

Seriously, My house smells like a fucking petting zoo right now.  I'm afraid to go anywhere near the washroom, I think there may be a smear on the seat.

 Thanks for stopping by everyone! 

Jeff
Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More