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January 14, 2017
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Just breathe.

Deepening Your Journey Towards Mindfulness

By Marigold, Health and Wellness Guru

#mindfulmarigold

Do you struggle with your mindfulness practice? Is falling asleep after 1 minute of focusing on your breath getting you down? Feeling discouraged by your inability to focus on something as simple and unavoidable as breathing for 5 fucking minutes a day? It’s ok. Everything is ok. Even your complete and utter failure at mindfulness, at relationships, at your career, really at your entire life, like just being a regular person - is ok. It’s all part of the amazing process we call the Journey Towards Mindfulness®. #journeytowardsmindfulness #yourjourney #dontfuckitup

Contrary to what you may have heard in the past, it only takes a few simple steps to achieve a completely mindful presence. Some people may procrastinate (normal failure of character) and think they need to find the “right” time to take their practice to the next level. You know what? There is no right time. BOOM. Truth bomb. Did you know RIGHT NOW is the RIGHT TIME® –for you! (check out my intsa to see my entire line of dream journals with my exclusive nuggets of wisdom printed on them in hard-to-decipher fonts !#Namaste!)

Now I’m going to let you in on a little secret, one that I share with my many, many clients (that I have) during our private sessions: a good time to restart your mindfulness practice is actually during the onset of your next UTI. Yes, it’s true, your next urinary tract infection is a perfect opportunity to deepen your mindfulness experience.

You can choose to get your next UTI on purpose (try holding your pee for a few extra hours at 4am tonight) or just wait for it to occur naturally, like clockwork. You can also conjure it with your mindful thoughts if you try hard enough (if not, don’t worry – your stunning failures are so totally normal!).

Not a UTI type of girl? That’s ok, you can even fail at getting UTIs and it’s still normal! Just wait for your next yeast infection, or barring that, your next menstrual cycle, preferably during that part when your boobs, stomach and back all hurt at the same time so your whole torso is like a swollen alien creature and you have to stuff a block of cotton inside yourself and walk around as if it’s ok. You know what I mean!

So the next time you find yourself desperately peeing, while your lower regions feel like they will never stop having to pee, but also no pee is coming out, and you have the epiphany that if you are ever held hostage and tortured, you will pretty much die the first day because you have no fortitude whatsoever – just pause and focus on your breath. Focus on your aching vagina. Focus on how you would give your first-born child to make the pee come out again. Recognize that you are weak, and wouldn’t survive even a mild natural disaster if you can’t find the strength to deal with your pee not coming out when you want it to.

Take this time to personalize your practice. For the next 24hours, as you sit on (or pace within 5 feet of) the toilet, try not to reflect on all the things you could be doing with your time. That is wasted energy. Starting the project that is due this week that you haven’t started yet -that’s a negative thought spiral. The suspicion that your small children have started to establish a makeshift Lord of the Flies political system to cope with your confusing absence – just push that aside. You don’t want to be a helicopter mom anyway! Also, you are a failure!

Try a modified down dog while you’re on the toilet – ah,that stretch feels so good! Breath into your lower urethra as you bear down on pee that will never materialize. Notice the matching grooves of your teeth as you grind them together in anguish. Feel your thighs on the cold, hard toilet seat as you breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth.Practice patience…eventually this will be over and you can get back to everything you would rather avoid in the first place.

Embrace your breath - hold it in your hands, hold it in your vagina, hold it in your heart, hold it in the air, hold, hold, hold, hold, hold the pee in forever. Feel the power of your breath lovingly move through your body, wherever your body needs to be healed. If you don’t heal your UTI with the power of your mindful breath, hey, that’s ok! Always remember: you are a failure, so failing at something as simple as breathing should feel so natural to you right now.

Then STOP. You probably have to pee again.

#Yourbreathisyourbusiness #Yourfailuresareyourfuture#yougotthis #justbreathe #likemeoninstagram #antibioticsarerecommended #toiletyoga #timetopee

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