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Published November 21, 2008 More Info »
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Published November 21, 2008
November 20th: THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN THE HISTORY OF DAYS. On this day a beautiful, funny, physicist professor smart, silky smooth, baby soft, humble, caring of all people named Shawn Robert McDonnell born in Philadelphia was bestowed upon the world by the Gods or God(or whatever you believe is possible of creating perfection). It was on this day in the year 2008 that the greatest insult of this beings life was given. He was called "stupid." Now your thinking that this isn't that bad until you find out the source of the insult: a stripper. and not one of those fictional movie strippers that are engineering majors at Harvard just stripping to pay off school. Oh no, this girl spoke English as well as I spoke Aramaic. If she was in college they won't admit it or it was one of those online colleges with the commercials made in the 80's where you can learn skills for jobs of today like eight track repairman or sheriff in the wild west. How it went down:My boys wanted to take mo out for my birthday. We started out at some of our college bars where we are everyday. Everybody was having a great time and then one of my friends who is addicted to getting his cock teased suggested that we go to a strip club. At this point we are all pretty drunk and would have said yes to about anything. So we pile into cars and leave a place with half naked girls that I didn't have to pay and would have had sex with to go to a place where there are half naked girls which I have to give money and at best get a dry rubdown which leaves my penis chafing and my balls swollen. We were there for about two minutes when this young lady comes over and starts to grope me. She is cute, but out of all the girls there she was middle of the pack and I was more interested in head of the class. If I'm gonna pay to get tortured I want the hottest girl there to do it. Meanwhile she is grinding on me trying to get me to go for a lap dance. My friends, sensing that I am not interested in this girl, start telling her it's my birthday. Now she really wants to give me a dance on this special occasion but now she wants my friends to pay instead on me.  After trying to shake down every one of my friends she comes back to me and I tell her that I just got here and I don't want a lap dance right now. This did not make her very happy. The fake smile she had on her face instantly turned into some contorted satanic frown. Then the magic happened:Stripper: Why would you do that to me?Birthday Boy: Do what?Stripper: Make me feel stupid? Birthday Boy: How did I make you feel stupid?Stripper:You led me on.BB: Led you on? are we on a date? aren't you a stripper?Stripper: you were playing with me in front of your friends making me ask them for money.BB: I never told you to ask them for money. I never told you I wanted a lap dance.Stripper: You shouldn't have done that to me. I am not some toy you can just play with...(At this point she continues on about how I mistreated her and other bullshit. The only thing I  am thinking of is how tired of this conversation I am and how annoyed that this girl is giving me shit when I am just here with my friends to have a good time on my birthday.  Needless to say, I was not really paying attention until she said something I will never forget)Can you not keep up? Are you TOO STUPID?BB: (In complete shock) ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU ARE A STRIPPER. THIS IS YOUR JOB! DO YOU ACT LIKE THIS EVERY TIME SOMEONE DOESN'T WANT A LAP DANCE? AND WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? MOVE ALONG!Stripper: I would have given you a great birthday dance.BB:  I DON'T CARE. PLEASE LEAVE.Finally this girl walks away and I am still in shock that I got into an argument with a stripper. I honestly didn't think a stripper would ever get into it with a customer even if they felt a little mistreated. My friends are laughing hysterically having witnessed everything that just happened.Once the shock wears off I continue on with the party and end up having an explosion of fun and even fall in love for the night with a crazy hot stripper who I might propose to or never call again. As crazy as the stripper was who questioned my intelligence I owe her more than the twenty dollars that I would have had to pay for a lap dance for all the laughs that she gave me and my friends. And for my ability to gloat about the time a mildly retarded stripper called me "stupid." Thank you stripper.