Once again it is time for one of my open letters concerning a sex scandal in the news. So I hope the half dozen people who read this enjoy it and hopefully learn something. So let’s get stuck in shall we, the director of the C.I.A. caught having an affair bla bla. Pictures in email bla bla. Crazy girlfriend sends threatening email to bla bla. I’m sorry guys my heart is not in this, it’s too depressing. It’s not that two detestable twats, whose self-serving ambition, bickering, cattiness, greed and gullibility (she claimed to be the honorary Ambassador to South Korea c’mon toots! Let’s define Honorary, okay how about “not really” so let’s look at that title again. Not really Ambassador to South Korea! That’s better.) have embarrassed the United States. Nor is it that General Petraeus risked his career and the security of the country, betrayed his honor and his wife- for a little strange! No, my depression is caused by…well… If they can catch the director of the Central Intelligence Agency screwing around …what chance do the rest of us have? To quote Bill Paxton “Game over man!” The party’s over, it’s time to call it a night. The fat lady has sung and you are probably married to her.
Where did it all go wrong? I have given considerable thought to this problem and have made a conclusion- where to place blame. Republicans, I know I know you hear that all the time but hear me out. Back when Clinton was president with that whole Lewinsky thing, there was a chance, a glimmer of a legal precedent. The President of the United States claimed that a Blow Job was not, I repeat Not sex! Brilliant! Who in their right philandering mind would argue with that! Republicans that’s who, they couldn’t put partisan politics aside for the good of man. Instead of “ I wasn’t cheating she was just gobbling my knob.” we men are at the mercy of marriage counselor’s, women’s magazines, and Oprah.
Well that’s all I have the will to write, who am I kidding the three people who actually started reading this have already given up after three sentences crying “it’s too long!” To those who finish I say good luck in your future dalliances but don’t say I didn’t warn you. They’ll get you!