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February 08, 2016

It isn't about you, but bless you for complaining enough until we pay attention.

By now you’ve DEFINITELY watched Queen Bey’s new video for “Formation,” and if you’re a true fan, you’ve already put non-essential organs on the black market to afford tickets to the Formation World Tour.

For those who somehow were unconscious the entire weekend or were re-enacting The Revenant and didn’t have Wi-Fi, here’s the clip.

Some of you may be thinking, “I love this video, but as a white woman, I just feel like this is excluding me. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest, please don’t hate me.” First of all, you need to stop apologizing every time you say your opinion, that is just keeping the patriarchy alive through your self doubt. Second of all, you are excluded from this video. This video is not white. It isn’t even anti-white. It’s black and it’s pro-black.

For those white ladies who read that and were like, “Great, got it. You’re right, this doesn’t have to be about me. I’m going to retreat and continue writing my think piece on Gloria Steinem’s recent comments"— good job. Go do that. We can’t wait to read half the first paragraph and share it with a resounding "YASSS!”

But for those still sitting around waiting for Beyoncé to look into the lens and resolve your white guilt by saying, “Hi there, white feminist, you’re a queen, too, SLAYY!"you may be waiting for a while. You’re more likely to solve sexism by simply slapping a woman on the $20 bill (to which this author says, LADIES, YOU ARE PRICELESS DON’T LET THEM PUT YOUR FACE ON A FINITE AMOUNT OF MONEY.) Nevertheless, for the headstrong white feminists who are MAD AS HELL that a pro-black song by a black artist made them feel ignored, here’s what to do about it.

  • Share this terrible article that argues the most poignant part of the “Formation” video is Beyoncé’s hair. Like, really let people know how much you don’t want this video to be about something you aren’t included in.
  • Reminisce just a few years back when Beyoncé invented feminism and quoted Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in her song “Flawless."Remember when feminism was just about not having to get married and not having to shave?! Now it’s about not including you! That’s not very bootylicious.
  • Realize you’ve been locked in a box of mirrors because what you’re complaining about is annoying as hell and completely self-centered. Also, get a little embarrassed that you thought you were speaking to crowds and crowds of women, but actually you were only seeing your reflection mirrored back at you and that maybe that’s a metaphor because you only value the experiences of women who look exactly like you.
  • Scream loud enough, and I’ll come unlock the box of mirrors. I hope you learned your lesson. Sorry about locking you in a box.